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March 23, 2003

  • finish that joke about the Pianist... I know a punchline's in there somewhere.
  • groom curly golden locks
  • corner Billy Crystal; ask why he won't return my calls
  • need punchline for that joke about Nicole's fake nose and Steve Martin's old Roxanne nose...
  • lick pudding off my Grimace T-shirt
  • eat half-dozen eclairs
  • think of joke re: Zellweger, Zeta-Jones... letter Z... is there anything there? zebras? Zeus?
  • make clever joke about war in Iraq/my pet macaque
  • corner Whoopi; ask why she won't return my calls
  • polish my Emmy
  • seesaw with Michael Moore
  • work on that "Big Fat Greek Wedding/Big Fat Gay Variety-Show Writer" joke
  • cry self to sleep for mid-afternoon nap
  • eat remaining half-dozen eclairs
  • bubble bath with Michael Moore
  • Lord of the Rings/of the Dance: is that too predictable? can McKellan still dance?
  • corner Martin Mull; ask why he won't return my calls
  • 20-minute belching session
  • practice shadow puppets for Julia
  • if belching session goes well, challenge Dame Judi to Belching Contest
  • do annual sit-up
  • schedule waxing
  • find more eclairs
  • last-minute cry
  • showtime!





MORE OSCAR COVERAGE

Nominees    |    Goodie Bag    |    Song

Postcard from J.R.    |    B.V.'s To-Do List

H.Y.'s Acceptance Speech

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