A Trick-or-Treat Guide to the Houses on My Block
by Christine Herges
Ms. Wilkenstein's Fourth Grade Glass
Robert F. Kennedy Elementary School
Brookline, Mass.
Hargrove Court:
# 3 -- The Mastersons -- good candy house. Premium stuff: Snickers, Milky Way, etc. If Mrs. Masterson is out of town, Mr. Masterson gives cash because he's too lazy to go shopping.
# 4 -- Mrs. Fogelberg -- she's old, so she gives crappy stuff. Last year, she just started giving away her possessions. What am I going to do with a toilet-paper cozy?
#6 -- The Joneses -- Mommy says that Mrs. Jones is a drunk and that we shouldn’t go trick-or-treating there. Mr. Jones told us that he'd give us two King-Size Kit-Kats if we stay away from his house from 7-8 and ignore and loud bangs or thuds that come from his house. Kit-Kats are good.
Nelson Street:
#502 -- Ms. Mason -- She always pretends she's not home. Last year, my brother Kenny left a flaming bag of dog poop on her porch. It was wicked awesome!
#507 -- The Cornwalls -- They give out the standard stuff but they usually give two or three things twist-tied in a bag. Mr. Cornwall and Mommy disappeared for a while at our Christmas party last year. When I asked Mommy where she went, she smiled and said that Mr. Cornwall was just giving her something in the other room. He's a nice man because he’s always giving things to people.
#508 -- The Forsters -- They always give those stupid marshmallow peanuts that you can't even chew on. Once, they gave me pennies. What is this, 1950? What the hell am I going to do with pennies? Skip this house.
#511 -- Mr. Wilson and Maurice -- They are the best! Their doorbell rings like a song from this show that Mommy and Daddy took me to once. They always give great stuff. Last year, they gave these candy apples in the shape of this lady. I asked Daddy who the lady was and he just laughed and said, "The fruits gavefruit." They are nice men.
#513 -- The Griffins -- Usually, they give bubble gum, which is O.K. but not great. Mr. Griffin and Daddy are good friends, even though Mr. Griffin cheats at golf. Mr. Griffin gave Mommy something once also.
#514 -- Mr. Carver and his mommy -- His mommy doesn't come out too much, she usually just screams at Mr. Carver about giving away too much candy. I don't see anything wrong with that!!! Last year, he gave 3
Musketeers and these gummi worms. Yum!
#518 -- The Harveys -- Sally Harvey is my best friend in the whole world and she told me at school that her mom and dad went out and bought a lot of candy but that her dad yelled at her mom for being such a fat ass and now they are giving it all away! Definitely go to this house!
MORE HELLISH HALLOWE'EN HORROR
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It's the Great Pumpkin-Patch Farmer, Charlie Brown!
What Are We Giving Trick-or-Treaters at Our Door?
A Hallowe'en Message from Dr. Demento
A Trick-or-Treat Guide to the Houses on My Block
