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L O U I S X I V ’ S
T O - D O L I S T
- Don't shower
- Grope chambermaid
- Piss in chamber pot. Toss out window.
- Diddle the houseboy.
- Don't shower
- Call Marie re: cake
- Gaze at my reflection in mirrored hallway. Hump my reflection. Belch.
- Scratch genitals for an uncomfortable amount of time in front of the Bishop
- Scratch Bishop's genitals for an uncomfortable amount of time
- Enjoy several sleeves of Fig Newton: crispy, crusty, flaky outside, chewy, tender inside.
- Execute Maurice Chevalier
- Pass gas (silent but deadly) in grand concourse. Demand someone claim responsibility for it. If no one steps forward, point accusingly at some random schmoe. Have him beheaded.
- See what else I can slice in two with the guillotine.
- Look up word "swishy." Look up word "inbred." Look up word "Monarch."
- Have light lunch with Marie. Take dump on table.
- Call Henry VIII & Anne Boleyn, invite them over for tonight’s orgy. Make sure Anne brings her extra nipples and fingers.
- Play chess on lifesize board with peasants.
- Fluff poodle.
- "Fluff" poodle.
- Inspect "Little Louis" for signs of syphilitic parasites
- Do not shower, again.
À LA MAISON
Usesul Phrases for the American in Paris
King Louis XIV's To-Do List
A Postcard from Paris
Let's Go France!
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