What are you looking for, my child?
That TMF,TML pasquinade? Right This a-way.
Celebrity Palindromes? Right That a-way.
Courtney Love, coming undone? Yonder.

GILLIGAN'S BLOG BY RAY STILLMAN Day 14,031 (approximate) Sunny. Pretty good day. Had fish for breakfast. Had coconuts for lunch. Took a nap in the hammock. Fish for dinner. *Yawn.* Fish sure makes me sleepy. Day 14,032 (approx.) Sunny. Three nice fishermen washed ashore today. Their rowboat had sprung a leak—boy, was it lucky they landed on our isle! Me and Skipper helped them patch up the leaky holes with some crushed coconut shells and palm leaves, and we tied it all together with this neat rope I made from Mrs. Howell's old feather boas. Thank God she brought all those boas on a cruise! We had the fishermen back afloat in no time! As a token of gratitude, they left me this transistor radio. It sure is neat! They promised they'd alert the Coast Guard that we'd been stranded on some uncharted desert isle for four decades. Those fishermen sure were swell. Oh, I ate fish and coconuts today. Took a nap in the hammock. All in all, a pretty good day. Day 14,033 (approx.) Sunny. Today, I saw a big ugly spider crawling in the sand, so I followed it halfway around the island until it crawled into a big, scary spider cave. I sure am scared of caves. Ate fish, coconuts, and also something else. Could have been a bird or a rabbit, I don't know. Just some rotten little corpse of something that'd been cooking in the sun. It was pretty good. I took a nap in the hammock, too. Today was a pretty good day. Day 14,034 (approximate) Sunny. Whoa, I don't know what that unidentified meat was, but I had it coming out of me from both ends last night! Yuch! Now I gotta wash and dry Skipper's hat or he's gonna be wicked pissed when he wakes up! Day 14,035 (approx) Sunny. Today, a team of skydivers landed on the island! But guess what, they weren't just normal skydivers, like the ones that landed on our island last month—they were actually special stunt skydivers filming a movie! Gosh, a Hollywood movie! Right near our island! They seemed really cool but they couldn't stay too long because they were behind schedule on the shoot. You know how busy those Hollywood folks are! They radioed for help and a helicopter zoomed in and snatched them up to take them back to shore. Too bad they couldn't stay longer. I had all sorts of questions about being a stuntman, and also I wanted to show them my new transistor radio. Oh well. They did promise to send help for us. Gee, those skydiving stuntmen sure were swell. Also, fish, coconuts, hammock. What a great day. Day 14,036 (approx.) Sunny. Today, I followed another spider all the way up to the cave, but I'm still too scared to go in. Maybe it was the same spider, I can't really tell. On the way back from the cave, I met some nice tribal savages who, apparently, had been living on the other side of this island the whole time. They sure seem swell. They've got neat drums and spears and grass skirts and their women don't wear any shirts, so you can see their boobies jiggle when they dance. They sure do like to dance. Ate fish and coconuts—oh, and also some of the Professor! I thought we finished him all up last week, but turns out Mary Ann was hiding half a leg in her hut! That greedy pig! So I met some new neighbors and I got to eat an extra piece of the Professor. What a great day of surprises! I sure like surprises. Day 14,037 (apr'x) Sunny. Skipper got all stupid mad when he found out that Mary Ann and me were still eating the Professor. He was swearing, and he kicked over all the seashells and driftwood I'd been obsessive-compulsively arranging along the lagoon for six winters now in the desperate hope that assigning names and personalities to inanimate beachfront driftage might temporarily stave off the throes of dementia. My precious, precious shellfriends, all gone. Gone! I'm sorry, my little ones! You are again one with the salty sea that hath borne you! I shall find you again, my babies, when my corporeal mass finally succumbs to sun and starvation and my rotten molecules freely float among you in the briny mother-sea! Anyway, Mary Ann made up some stupid story about how she was saving the Professor meat for a special occasion, but of course you can't fool Skipper! Boy, did he beat the tar out of me good! Day 14,038 (apprx) Sunny. Today was a really stinky day. Mary Ann stayed in her hut and wept all afternoon. She does that a lot, especially ever since we ate Ginger. I think Mary Ann had a girl-crush on Ginger. Me and Skipper wrestled for who got to eat the last of the Professor. He won, of course. The fucker’s got a hundred pounds on me. Also, I broke the transistor radio that the fishermen gave us. What a stinky day. Day 14,039 (approx.) Sunny. I, Gilligan the Great, hereby declare myself King of the Isle. Mary Ann shall be my Queen! Ate: fish, coconuts, Skipper. Who's your little buddy now, you belligerent bully? Now I get the big hammock! All hail me! Hey, I hear the savages coming... I bet they smelled Skipper's fat roasting corpse. It'll be a party! Neat-o! ONWARD, TOWARD MORE STORY Write to Y.P.R. Write for Y.P.R. Right on, Y.P.R.