[ * Is there new soapbox? Yes. Yes there is. * ]

[ * Oops. Once again, we've been caught with our pants down. The link to a letter to us, written by Hershey's, was not working because it was covered in sticky, orange Cheeto powder. Our thanks to the many readers who wrote in to report the broken link: nobody. * ]

F A S T E R    T H A N    A S P E E D I N G    B U L L E T BY YELTSIN P. ROCKEFELLER GROWN MEN WHO PRANCE AROUND IN SPANDEX, BUT ARE NOT INTO ANYTHING "DEVIANT" Mr. Fantastic The Thing The Punisher Iron Man Beast Dr. Octopus Green Hornet Plastic Man The Vulture Juggernaut Kraven the Hunter She-Hulk Mysterio Professor X Mr. Freeze Poison Ivy Spawn The Flash INCONSISTENCIES BETWEEN THE COMIC-BOOK MOVIES AND THE SOURCE MATERIAL THAT REALLY GET US STEAMED In the film Spider-Man the radioactive spider bite gave Peter Parker organic webshooters in his wrists instead of radioactive cancer. Rip Taylor makes for an unconvincing screen version of the Hulk, particularly when he throws the tank like a girl. Daredevil not nearly as much a pansy-ass as Ben Affleck. In the upcoming Fantastic Four movie, rumors have it that the Thing will be made from Jell-O cubes, rather than solid granite. Due to cost-cutting measures by the studio, Storm's ability to summon storms replaced by ability to summon screenings of Twister. Wolverine's alter-ego, Logan, would never be caught dead watching the Tony Awards, much less hosting them. Professor X not as gay in the orginal comic. In the film League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Sean Connery makes it difficult to watch by constantly facing the camera and remarking, "THAT'S DAMN EXTRAORDINARY!" More wonderful DAILY PIECES