LITERARY CABRON

DAILY PIECE    |    FEATURES G.W.'s FRUIT SALAD    |    LETTERS BIRTHDAY CARDS TO CELEBRITIES SUBMIT    |    KINDRED SPIRITS

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¡ W H A T   W E ' R E   D O I N G W I T H   O U R   E M P T Y C O R O N A   B O T T L E S ! Lining 'em up, putting a glove on top, à la "Laverne & Shirley" Braining people who ask for Dos Equis Melting down whatever crazy crap is at hand and Presto! Instant Cinco de Mayo Memory Glass! Rinsing them thoroughly, letting them dry in the sun, then filling them with urine and leaving them on the curb for Chester, the bum who lives in my dumpster Playing "Guess What I'm Shoving Up Your Arse" Smashing them and wielding the jagged remains by the bottleneck, challenging fellow revelers to an impromptu bar brawl Sending messages to Gilligan Tossing them off the overpass and watching the cars on the highway below skid and swerve and blow tires, thereby venting the pent-up rage that's been boiling within me ever since they yanked "Felicity" off the air Tossing them off the overpass and watching the cars on the highway below skid and swerve and blow tires, thereby selling more of my quality discount tires. Remember: Pepito's Tires never tire! Mention this ad, get 25% off snowtires! ¡Casa! ¡A Message from Mexico's Minister of Tourism! ¡The Whole World Celebrates Cinco de Mayo! ¡Don't Want No Mexican Radio! ¡What to Do with Your Empty Corona Bottle! MORE FEATURES

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