Friday, March 12, 2010

— Poetry & Lyric —
Ogden Nash for Pitchfork

Mick Stingley

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists: The Brutalist Bricks

Ogden

Feeling sick on Bedford Street?
Try nerd guitar with a Williamsburg beat!

* * *

Radiohead: In Rainbows

What fans have waited forever and a day for
Only to find out you get what you pay for

* * *

Devendra Banhart: Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon

Oh, Devendra
It seems like your record will neverendra
Multi-culti hipster sith-thy
I could go on and on but I’d rather be pithy

* * *

Rilo Kiley: Under The Blacklight

Rilo Kiley! Rilo Kiley!
(Hipster emoticon for Smiley)
Neither Blondie nor Fleetwood Mac tight
Bad news is they sold out with Blacklight

* * *

Kanye West: Graduation

Not too much Gold Digger–style enjoyment
Instead of Jamie Foxx there’s Fall Out Boyment
After College Dropout and Late Registration—
He should have called this Unemployment

* * *

Kaiser Chiefs: Yours Truly, Angry Mob

Ruby’s Number One in England, yes
But everyday I love you less and less

* * *

Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Is Is EP

Karen O, with the soul of lingerie
In screeching atmospheric rock boulangerie
They kind of sound like that band Belly
But honey, you’re no Tanya Donnelly

* * *

Spoon: Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

Hey, new Coldplay
Go away

* * *

Stephen Malkmus: Untitled 2008 Release

Silver Jews Pavement guy
Indie rock-cred master spy
All the critics really like you
But this new record better not suck, dude

Mick Stingley is a freelance writer who lives in New York City. He is featured in Rock and Roll Cage Match, available from Three Rivers/Random House. He is 40 years old and refuses to cut his hair ’cuz he’s so fuckin’ metal.

— Fiction —

Rejected Pitchfork Reviews

Jamie King

David Mamet on Death Cab for Cutie’s Transatlanticism; Shel Silverstein on Kanye West; Ernest Hemingway on Radiohead’s Kid A; and more.

— Fiction —

Pitchfork Reviews Albums That Don't Exist

Lucas Klauss

Straight up: this album would be one of the more impressive debuts of 2010 if it was or ever had been created by a band that was at some point formed.

— Fiction —

If Pitchfork.com Reviewed A Pitchfork

Conor McKeon

If you're looking for faults, start with the handle. Sparks literally fly with such immediacy at the mere touch of the fiberglass handle that one wonders if Radius Garden thinks Coulomb's Law is nothing more than a prime-time network procedural drama.

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