— Fiction —

The Search-Engine-Optimized Marriage Proposal

HERE’S SOMETHING I’ve been meaning to tell you. Something that’s been tough to keep inside these past few months. Something I want the whole world to know.

Baby, before I met you, I was the Erin Andrews peephole video. I was a sad, blurry imitation of a human being. I was an Erin Andrews peephole video free of a real reason to live. An Erin Andrews peephole video cached of its ability to feel anything. I went through my days aimlessly, unceremoniously Erin Andrews peephole video stripping off my clothes at night and Erin Andrews peephole video putting them back on the next morning, and not in sexy free videos for you. I was an Erin Andrews peephole video streaming towards a lonely death. My life was dark, black as the color of an Erin Andrews peephole video bra.

But things changed when you came into my life. You were my free credit report, and you showed me I had potential. You were not a free credit report scam, like I assumed; you were a real free credit report. What is a good free credit report score? The one that says you love me for exactly who I am, the one that says I’m lucky enough to find a girl like you. I didn’t know where to find my free credit report, but my free credit report found me. My free credit report online? Well, it was a free credit report no credit card required, and yet it I would give all the money in the world for it. Watch free credit report commercials here, and even get free credit report and win a million dollars, and yet understand there can be no greater free credit report than that which you gave me.

Our love is like Justin Bieber. Sure, it seemed small and insignificant at first, and we weren’t sure it was a match. Did our Justin Bieber wear boxers or boxer briefs? We didn’t know right away, but eventually we figured things out. We moved from Justin Bieber “One Time” to Justin Bieber shirtless pics to Justin Bieber girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes, our Justin Bieber had some bumps along the way, and our Justin Bieber broke his leg and had to get a cast. But we moved past it. Our Justin Bieber kept dancing, and we became where to get instructions on Justin Bieber dance moves. Eventually, our Justin Bieber made it to the top of the charts, and I kneel before you this evening with a Justin Bieber torrent of emotion. Please download this Justin Bieber torrent. It’s a free Justin Bieber torrent.

(If you’d like to see a photo gallery of baby animals in the news, let me know, and I’ll take you there. I’ll do anything for you.)

I have to admit, when we first started talking about marriage last fall, I was marriage proposal afraid. I thought, how to put off marriage proposal? How to change subject marriage proposal? And even: How to talk about marriage proposal to get girlfriend to have sex with you without actually proposing? Marriage proposal fail, I assumed. But then I thought, marriage proposal ideas? Marriage proposal script, maybe? I’ll admit, I thought cheap marriage proposal ideas. But then I thought romantic marriage proposal ideas. Where to find good restaurant marriage proposal? Right here, I hope.

Baby, will you Mary Tyler Moore Show theme song lyrics me?

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