* Upon seeing someone on the subway reading the paperback version with Tom Hanks on the cover, bragged that he read The Da Vinci Code before it was a movie
* Can’t believe anyone would prefer the tacky women on The Real Housewives of New Jersey over the cultured socialites on The Real Housewives of New York
* Astounded anyone would dare compare Heidi Montag’s rancid single “Body Language” to Paris Hilton’s sublime “Stars Are Blind”
* Mortified how Saw V “tarnished the legacy” of Saw IV
* When viewing paparazzi photos, refers the reverent diplomacy of JustJared.com to the nihilistic insouciance of PerezHilton.com
* Grieved the break-up of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams more than his own parents’ divorce
* Wishes Twilight would be more realistic and let Edward have fangs, sex
* Thinks Nick Lachey “sold out” by playing himself on One Tree Hill
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