There, by the creek! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Got it! There’s a pink one, right there in that dip! BOOM! BOOM!
Yellow egg, by the bush! POW! POW! POW!
Look out, behind you! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!
Purple egg, to your 6 o’clock! BAM! BOOM! BANG! BLAM!
Over by that poplar! BANG! BLAM!
Out there in the open! BAM! BAM! BAM!
Hey, did you take the last Peep? Seriously, man, did you take my last Peep? Why you gotta do me like that?
Yes, there’s still one in the chamber. Now man up and confess.
A Scientific Proposal to the Executive Program Directors of the ABC, CBS, Fox, and NBC Networks
I know an omen when I see one, and it needn't even involve a two-headed goat. 
Chuck Palahniuk Mows the Lawn
Imagine vacuuming. Now, imagine the vacuum weighs 350 pounds. Now, imagine this 350-pound vacuum has a rotating blade that can take off a man's hand. Imagine that it does, only sometimes it's not a hand. Sometimes it's a leg. Sometimes...
Diamond Dave’s Sestina
Today I tore my ass-less pants when I tried to do a karate kick. It’s the exact same kick I did countless times when we laid down the “Jump” video way back in the Panama-hot summer of 1984. Dude,...
