Thursday, February 11, 2010
Bobsledding, skating, and skiing are all great, but don’t these other winter sports deserve just as much coverage?
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Shoveling
Small shovel, wet snow, three more tires to reveal before you can get to work (where you’re not that motivated to go anyway). The final round in figure skating may be the so-called Long Program, but what about that Long Driveway? This podium is, of course, constructed of snow—hard-won piles of it.
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Ice-Walking
Blades are thin, but at least they have more grip than your treadless, hole-ridden Converse. Individual categories include stilettos, moonboots, carrying groceries. Who needs medals? Scars last just as long.
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Hot-Chocolating
Based on traditional hot-sauce contests popular in southwestern Siberia. Instead of spiciness, you will be judged in your resilience to ever-increasing temperatures. Though judges are instructed to be subjective, their marks are easily swayed by mini-marshmallows, whipped cream, Kahlúa.
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Driving on Black Ice
There are no chains on these tires and 18-wheelers are whizzing by on either side. You haven’t had your brakes checked in years.
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Layering
This fashion obstacle course is lined with highly flammable fleece, wool as scratchy as sandpaper, and synthetic fibers with mystical yet unpredictable wicking powers. The bulkiest contestant wins. Artistic merit will be rewarded to the snazziest snowpant swish and extra technical points will be awarded to those who can drink coffee while wearing a muff.
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