— Fiction —

The Internal Monologue of Someone Looking for Waldo

othing like Waldo, Cave man, Sort of Waldo, Nothing like Waldo, Nothing like Waldo, Mass amount of people wearing red and blue fighting next to a cave near a torch with a dinosaur being ridden by a guy who looks nothing like Waldo, Suspiciously odd looking lamppost that you thought was Waldo for a second, Nothing Like Waldo, WALDO … if he didn’t have a hat, House full of people wearing red and a midget who looks like Waldo but has no ears and is a midget, Cake, Almost Waldo, Nothing like Waldo, THERE! Nope false alarm it was the lamppost again man you look stupid, Looking at the fight in more detail in case you missed something but finding nothing, Being afraid someone else is going to find it first, Scanning rapidly, YES! NO! Fucking lamppost, ah ah ah, faster faster, maybe in a corner, no, no, no, no, In the house? Searching yes no midget, Ah ah ah c’mon, THAT’S HIM! DAMMIT I’M GOING TO DESTROY THAT LAMPPOST!, Where the fuck is he where the fuck is he, I bet they didn’t even put him on the page those fuckers, Shit my sister gasped and is pointing, HAHA NICELY DONE LAMPPOST!, I SWEAR TO FUCK I’M GOING TO CIRCLE HIS DUMB ASS IN PEN WHEN I FIND HIM, Not him, Not him, Not him, Th— no not quite, He’s gotta be around that car somewhere, Car, Not Waldo, Not even close, There? THERE! … YES THERE I FOUND HIM FIRST! AH SWEET SWEET VICTORY! O.K., next page.