“The food was … good?”
“I’ve never not understood a restaurant before.”
“We just wanted to take Grandma Susan out for her birthday. As it turned out, Verducci’s, the Italian restaurant we had planned on visiting, was closed. So we were just cruising around the Pine Hills Center parking lot when we saw this new place, Really Confusing’s, off in the corner of the lot. Thinking that was sort of a whimsical name for a restaurant, we thought Really Confusing’s might be a fun place for the family to celebrate Gran-Gran’s eightieth. Good Christ, we were wrong.”
“The shrimp quesadillas were incomprehensible.” |
“I was taking my girlfriend out for a nice dinner. Or so I thought. When I asked the hostess for a table for two, she sneered and said, ‘Two what?’ Then she burst into laughter and punched me really hard in the stomach. Somehow, I felt no pain. There was a spotlight shining in my eyes, and a jazz trio playing a fuzzy-sounding tune, and the scent of putrid milk. I was sure I could feel my soul melting. And then our hostess smiled, gestured dramatically, and said, ‘Right this way.’”
“The only thing I remember is that the appetizer list was literally terrifying.”
“Every time our server came to our table, he politely insisted that he had never been born.”
“I’ve never not understood a restaurant before.” |
“I took a bite of what I’m still pretty sure was a baked potato. Suddenly I was in the deepest recesses of a black hole.”
“When our beverages materialized in front of us, my ten-year-old son began having a heated argument with his glass of Coca-Cola. My husband’s eyes rolled up into his head and he downed his cup of steaming coffee in one swift gulp. I swear to God that black smoke began pouring out of his ears. Soon enough, my glass of red wine morphed into a djinn, who beckoned me with promises of gold and jewels hidden under the floorboards.”
“The shrimp quesadillas were incomprehensible.”
“Floating. Caves of the mind. Neoprene suit. Everywhere. A small bell ringing. My right ear. My left ear. Jalapeno poppers. The river that elides. The river that elides. The river that elides.”
“Why is everybody so down on this place? I left Really Confusing’s with 1) more money than I came in with and 2) a working knowledge of copyright law. I have no idea how that happened, but, hey, looks like it’s not such a bad place after all.”
“I remarked that I felt as if I were inside an Escher drawing. Then I had an aneurysm.”
“I woke up three days later in the New Mexico desert, surrounded by sacks of refined sugar. I’m pretty sure my friends are still in there.”
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”
“Fairly confusing at best.”
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