- There are 25 facts about me.
- The first fact is something most people don’t know.
- The second fact states the obvious, which should amuse you.
- The third fact is somewhat humorous, as I put a mirror to myself, back to society, then to you, the reader. Everyone enjoys a good laugh at themselves.
- The fourth fact is touching. It involves a family member.
- The fifth fact involves an embarrassing event from my childhood that, were it not for the need to achieve emotional release vis-à-vis an homage to oneself (e.g., this list), would normally not see the light of day. But—oh, well! The secret’s out!
- The sixth fact manages to be self-deprecating while highlighting my charitable, affable, or charmingly hapless nature.
- The seventh fact is mundane.
- The eighth fact references the earlier fact involving a family member. Remember that one? Aww!
- The ninth fact reveals a fear of growing old.
- The tenth fact reminds everyone of how amusing a past decade can be when viewed through the lens of today’s values, culture, or technology.
- . You wonder if the eleventh fact is about you.
- The twelfth fact makes an obvious reference to my political leanings.
- The thirteenth fact describes the origin of my name. It’s a very boring story, I say, but I tell it anyway.
- Haha! I’m so funny in fact fourteen.
- I make references to a crazy past life in fact fifteen. If you think they’re exaggerated, you’re right.
- Fact sixteen describes an illness I contracted as a child. Just like everyone else, I barely survived.
- You’re POSITIVE the seventeenth fact is about you. Maybe.
- Fact eighteen isn’t really a fact. It’s a hypothesis.
- We share an intimate, private emotion in fact nineteen.
- The twentieth fact explains that I don’t normally fill out lists like this!
- A reference to sex is made in fact twenty-one. You don’t like imagining me naked or doing… stuff.
- The twenty-second fact is, like, six lines long. You skip it and scroll ahead.
- The twenty-third fact is incredibly disturbing. You stare at the keyboard for awhile and take a deep breath. Now you wish you hadn’t read this list.
- The twenty-fourth fact is a stunning cliffhanger! You hold your breath as you scroll to fact twenty-five …
Todd Ross Nienkerk is a co-founder of the the Web design and consulting firm Four Kitchens. He has served as a founding editor of That Other Paper (2006–2008) and an editor-in-chief of The Texas Travesty (2003–2005). He lives in Austin, Texas, with his wife, Kristin, and a cat named Samuel “Screech” Powers. He has brown eyes and was born in a subterranean cave in the future.
Super Bowl XLIII
In which we pretend to care who's playing. 
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