— Listicles —

Contents of the Oval Office Whiteboard during the Final Days of the Bush Presidency

This Administration has gone 22 days without a major international incident

Did we ever appoint a Poet Laureate??? Potentially embarrassing.

To fix before 1/20/09:

1. Economy

   Problem: People still not buying cars or houses
   Proposed solution: Thousands of laid-off autoworkers with nothing to do; encourage them to spend their days buying cars and houses
   Sub-problem: Laid-off autoworkers have no money to buy cars or houses
   Sub-solution: Offer them car and home loans at sub-prime rates

2. Achievement Gap (can be remembered as great President by solving)

   Problem: Privileged white kids in wealthy schools still doing better on standardized tests than impoverished minority kids in poor schools
   Proposed solution:
   — Turn all schools into factories; put kids to work making oven mitts
   — Make standardized tests real, real hard
   — All students gradually lose skills, fail tests across the board—BOOM, no gap

3. Guantánamo

   Idea: Find out how Ben moved the island in Lost

4. Global Warming (BOOOOORING!)

5. Wars in Iraq/Afghanistan (DID WE WIN???? Ask Cheney.)

Dear Dubs,
OMG, U R the craziest prez ever. Stay cool and keep in touch next year! Luv ya lots!
Condi

Callback list:

— Jenna
— Pope
— Hank Paulson (re: bailout for greeting-card industry)
— Sarkozy (who is this???)
— Secretary of Agriculture (fake position?)

Albums to buy on the YouTunes:

1. Steel Wheels
2. Eat a Peach
3. Live at Budokan

***SAVE*** Up up down down left right left right B A B A select start ***SAVE***

Official White House Power Hour Scoreboard:
CHENEY: IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII
GWB: IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII III (boot!)
Chertoff: IIII IIII IIII IIII II (boot!)
Spellings: IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII IIII I (tapout!)