— How To —

For Those Who Are Having Their Brains Dismantled

For those who are dismantling or having their brains dismantled, an important document is a “Hold Harmless Agreement.” It’s a legally binding contract that protects both the organ owner and the brain dismantler from certain liabilities and from lawsuits. Examples may be found online. We suggest you consult with your attorney.

Sample document:

I hereby release, waive, discharge and covenant not to sue and hold harmless from any and all liability, claims, costs and expenses whatsoever arising out of or related to any loss, damage, or injury, that may be sustained in the dismantling process of the brain belonging to __________.

Want to try it D.I.Y.? Download the “Cornrowed Midlife Gloom” booklet.

1.) Explains 5 easy steps to dismantling any brain.

2.) Suggests the merits and debits of a rebuild.

3.) What to salvage from a dismantled brain & 30 companies that buy without drama.

Then there’s remodeling. A being with the smarts of an attending surgeon is crafted from a mediocre drooling fool. It’s a gamble, but living with a stagnant mind is like being a mitten stranded on a sandbar. We’ll do the work or provide the information you need.

Here’s the information we need:

— A description of your ruin (i.e., how wretched are the lobes you want redone).
— What size pate you lather.
— Mare or stallion.
— Your dislocated wit is where? (We travel, but not far.)

Testimonial:

“I thought it would be like having my leg sawed off, but it was no worse than a mild sandblasting.” — Dan

Regarding salvaging, some questions to ask yourself are:

— Is the brain tidy or is it littered?
— Were you a bore or was there mirth?
— Did you have insights or were they more like tennis thighs?

Remember: It may take weeks to dismantle a brain. There are many factors to consider, including entry, bad odors, sobbing, the inevitable “oops,” abscesses (and worse), and disposing of everything that can’t be resold or reused. It’s not like going before a diocese board and asking them to sign a petition. Some brains are half fallen in. We pride ourselves on picking our way through meticulously, dendrite by dendrite. Resist the temptation to say, “You can have my brain free, if you dismantle it within a day or two, haul it away and clean up the mess.” That can be a formula for disappointment.

Each dismantling we undertake is tailored to your particular circumstances. We are custom dismantlers with earaches from so many years of drilling into skull. In the state of Vermont alone we will have dismantled over 3 trillion cubic feet of grey matter by the time 2008 comes to a close.

We assume no responsibility for the accuracy, terms and conditions of the content posted on this site. Those wishing to have their brains dismantled enter into any transaction at their own risk. Please use caution and common sense. This is not Morocco, and your noggin is not a coconut.