— Listicles —Ways of Having One’s Hashbrowns That Have Been Removed from the Waffle House Repertoire for One Reason or Another
Embarrassed (with red peppers)
Slandered (with green peppers)
Compromised (by corn)
Severely Critiqued (with spicy mustard)
Had Its Principles Questioned (by more potatoes)
Punched Pretty Hard on the Arm (by capers)
Murdered (with salt and vinegar)
Claimed in Her Majesty’s Name (with banana peppers)
Bedazzled (with sequins)
Left at the Grocery Store (by its mom)
Had a Cameo Role (in K-Pax)
Wrapped (in pink tissue paper)
Transported Through Time (by a time machine)
Brutally Murdered (by a man with a shotgun)
Lucas Klauss hails from Georgia and lives in Brooklyn. He reads books with names like Lacrosse Firestorm for a living. His work can be found at McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The Apiary, and lucasklauss.blogspot.com.
Hashbrowns Go Great With:
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