Wednesday, October 15, 2008

— Non-Fiction —
A Guide to Recognizing Your Mavericks

Samuel Augustus Maverick
The Texas cattle rancher (1803–1870), who refused to brand his cattle, thus resulting in lots of lost, unidentifiable cows. The phrase currently being beaten into oblivion is named for him (or, rather, his maverick cattle). It should be noted that he was no “maverick”; his refusal to brand was mere laziness.

Lt. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell
An F-14 Tomcat pilot who wanted to be “top gun” at the United States Navy Fighter Weapons School. His gunner, Goose, died, and then Maverick lost that lovin’ feeling.

Ford Maverick
A crappy compact car from the 1970s, when avocado green was a desirable color to paint your automobile.

Bret Maverick
Riverboat gambler played by actor James Garner in the old TV series, and by his son Mel Gibson in the movie. Though fondly remembered by old people, it is of zero cultural significance. True fact!

Maverick Records
Record label birthed from Madonna, responsible for bringing you the musical stylings of Candlebox and Alanis Morissette. Remember Candlebox?

Dallas Mavericks
An N.B.A. franchise established in 1980 that, after years of being well-known for not winning championships, is now well-known for having a loud-mouthed owner and not winning championships.

John Sidney McCain III
103-year-old Republican senator from Arizona, so nicknamed a “maverick” because occasionally, long ago, on rather insignificant issues, he bucked his corrupt party to agree with the Democrats.

Bonus:
A Guide to Recognizing Some Notable Black Presidents

President David Palmer, 24

President Tom Beck, Deep Impact

President Lindberg, The Fifth Element

President Armando Guebuza, Mozambique

— New & Noteworthy —

Midnight Train to Georgia

My friends, your humble coeditor, Mr. Nick Jezarian, is packing up his Bronx apartment and taking the ol' midnight train to Georgia--the peachtree state, not the former Soviet republic.

— Fiction —

A Six-Year-Old with a Future in Elected Politics Tackles a Tough Question

Copper Smith

My opponent and older brother, Tyler, in an effort to distract the parents of this household from the real issues--like the still unanswered questions regarding the whereabouts of Mom's scissors--has brought up the issue of my misguided urination adventures.

— Listicles —