— Poetry & Lyric —

Dr. Seuss Treats a Patient

Patient:

Dr. Suess, I came in because I … well, I found a lump on my breast.

Dr. Seuss:

A lump you found on your breast, oh my,
A lump you found—let’s hope it’s benign.

Patient:

Um … yeah. I hope so too.

Dr. Seuss:

All we can do now is wish for the best.
But first we must wait for a biopsy test.

Patient:

Why are you talking like that?

Dr. Seuss:

I’m not quite sure as to what you refer.
I could write it all down if that’s what you prefer.

Patient:

The ryhming! Why are you rhyming everything? You’re freaking me out.

Dr. Seuss:

That was not my intention, I assure you of that.
I thought we were having the loveliest chat.

Patient:

Lovely? I’m telling you I might have cancer.

Dr. Seuss:

Life, I know, doesn’t always make sense,
But let’s talk for a minute about health insurance.

Patient:

I have … Blue Cross.

Dr. Seuss:

HMO or PPO is the answer I need,
Then we’ll continue with the greatest of speed.

Patient:

I’m pretty sure it’s a PPO.

Dr. Seuss:

In that case I’ll ask for a smallish copayment.
Ten dollars will do or just two Ploppapent.

Patient:

Ploppapent? What the hell is that?

Dr. Seuss:

I beg your pardon?

Patient:

Now you’re just making up words when you can’t find ones that rhyme.

Dr. Seuss:

Dear lady, I assure—

Patient:

Look, forget it. What about the test?

Dr. Seuss:

Just take off your top and we’ll start the exam,
Then perhaps we’ll enjoy some green eggs and ham!

Patient:

Green eggs? Like, moldy eggs??

Dr. Seuss:

Just take your friggin’ top off.