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From the Y.P.aRchives Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!) Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies Poetry & Lyric Advice, How To, & Self-Help Listicles Semi-Frequent Columns Letter from the Editors Disquieting Modern Trends Interviews Interviews with Interviewers One-Question Interviews The Book Club Media Gadflies Calendrical Happenings Roasts Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives
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Friday, February 8, 2008

Fiction
Gift Idea: Diary™

For the blogger in your life, consider getting the gift that every media-savvy web-lettrist wants, the latest new-media tech sensation: Diary™.

Diary™ is the ideal refinement and synthesis of recent developments in open-format, direct-interface, comprehensive text-recognition, and organic document layout. Incorporating Page-Flip™ interactivity, complete wireless operativity, Lock-and-Key™ security, and virtually unbreachable virus protectivity, Diary™ will be the blogger’s staple recording and storage device for years to come. It has limitless expandability, interfaces seamlessly with all available models of roller-ball and graphite-tip stylus, and has full compatibility with Scrapbook™ technology (cut and paste function is available without costly add-ons). Diary™ comes in a variety of hand-held configurations, with endless customization options, intuitive preferences, and a huge range of appearance options and color schemes. Best of all, Diary™ offers the recently perfected Troll-Proof™ service at no extra cost. The most effective filter system ever devised, Troll-Proof™ boasts proven 100% protection against hostile commentary while allowing the user to share postings with anyone he or she wishes.


Page-Flip™ interactivity

interfaces seamlessly with roller-ball or graphite-tip stylus

Be avant-garde™! Be authoritative! With little or no experience, Diary™ users can be producing observation, critique, and timeless wisdom just seconds after startup. Diary™ lets you have total control. With Diary™ you say to the world, “This is me. Get out of the way, because I’m coming through! No-one can tell me I’m wrong or derivative; I’m lord of all I survey!”*


* Diary™ cannot guarantee users against production of bullshit, drivel, solipsism, wank, tendentiousness, solecism, sophistry, sentimentality, unspeakably awful prose/verse, or any other kind of farcical nonsense. Diary™ accepts no liability in case of such eventuality.

Derek Catermole has not been seen recently on account of he doesn't exist. Derek's proprietors don't wish to make a spectacle of themselves because their indiscreet blogging activities might embarrass them. They promise that they have published elsewhere, but will only admit to toastpoints-toast.blogspot.com.