Monday, July 2, 2007

— Fiction —
Other Children’s Shows on Hamas TV

This week, the Associated Press reported that the character Farfour, a Mickey Mouse knockoff who preached anti-Western indoctrination on Tomorrow’s Pioneers, a Hamas-affiliated children’s television program, was beaten to death in the final episode by an actor playing an Israeli soldier trying to buy Farfour’s land. Here’s a look at some other misappropriated American children’s shows that have been transformed into juvenile propaganda.

Ert & Bernie

The Evil, Homosexual Zionist Jews Who Drink the Blood of Babies

Marta the Martyr

Can You Guess What’s in Her Backpack?

Arafat Albert & the Cosby Kids

Arafat Albert

The Insmurfgents

Just three figs tall, these little magic creatures plot to overthrow the Great Satan (Gargamel) and the Little Satan (Azrael).
Insmurfgents

— Fiction —

Toy Stories

Michael Rottman & Jeff Szpirglas

With Michael Bay’s take on the Transformers toy line almost certain to prove a summer smash, Hollywood has lined up a slew of blockbusters to cash in on the nostalgia for other bygone toys. Cultural critics Rottman and Szpirglas have screened advance copies of the latest projects coming soon to a theatre and Toys 'R' Us near you.

— Fiction —

You Were Walking a Golden Retriever Crossing SE corner of 47th and 9th (Midtown West)

Nik De Dominic

You’re such a fast walker. I watch you every day from my apartment. Around 11:00 a.m. you walk your golden retriever by my window and your hair is always wet from the shower. Or do you take baths? No matter. Your dog is fat and well fed. I like that, someone who cares for animals. I don’t have any animals. I had a rat, but it wasn’t really a pet, and then my upstairs neighbor got a cat that pisses all over everything--it smells like ammonia--and since she got the cat, the rat went away. Such is life. Are you close to your folks? ...

— Recycled but Re-Relevant —

Die Hard with a Typewriter

Die Hard Police Officer John McClane Prepares His Cover Letter for Admission to an M.F.A. in Creative Writing by John Harnetiaux

Look, I’ll level with ya: I’m not writing this goddamned essay for any reason other than my wife Holly, so let’s get that fuckin’ straight right now. Holly said something like, “John, you gotta get in touch with your imagination, John, you gotta express yourself more,” and I was like, “What the shit you think I’ve been doing my last 20 years as a cop?!” ... [ ... More!]

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