— Fiction —

crapbooking!

Hi folk ,

Welcome. You hold in your crafty little hand  the  eventeenth i  ue of  crapbooking Monthly!

Gue   which one of my key  i  broken?

If you think it’  that  naky letter between “r” and “t” in the Engli h alphabet, good gue  ! Boo-yah!—You’re  marter than the average  crapbooker!

Ju t kidding! You  ee, there i  no  uch thing a  an average  crapbooker!

But, ye , a  all you  martypant  can a certain, the key between “a” and “d” i  broken like a trailer in a tornado!  hoot! Rather than go with my fir t plan, which wa  to put in a fey li p, you know, a  in “he lithped like a boatful of thailor ,” which would have been  o wicked naughty and funny, but then I recalled how many of you probably have a gay  on or nephew or even hu band, if  ocial  cienti t ’  tati tic  are to be tru ted. Heck, for all I know,  ome of you reader  might even be le bian , although I imagine few of you are men, gay or  traight.

Whoever you are, I thought we could muddle through thi  key malfunction together. For we are  crapbooker ! We are intrepid, and we wait for no one! We  et it down on the page while the madding world ru he  on to the next trendy hobby. We cut and pa te more than a pre chool computer nerd with a pair of electronic  ci  or , if there i   uch a thing.

I’m in a fei ty mood, aren’t I? I feel  crappy! I mean, DARN it! Ha ha, that wa  for all you darned darning enthu ia t ! You’re welcome! Now go make me a large pair of  ock  Hee hee. Rock out with your  ock  out! ROFLMAO!

That get  to the topic of thi  month’  editor’  letter: The modern hobbyi t enjoy  all manner of hobbie —not ju t  crapbooking. There’  a lot of cro  over anymore: Knitter   crapbook, tenni  player   crapbook, cro  country  kier   crapbook, and writer  practically have  crapbook  coming out of their a   crack ! And there may even be  pecialty publication  for all of tho e other illu triou  hobbie  a  well.

However,  crapbooking  ure beat  all tho e other  tupid hobbie , right? I’m talking about modern  crapbooking. (Not to be confu ed with “crapbooking,” again, if there i   uch a thing, and I  hudder ju t thinking that maybe there i . Po itively gro  !)

Anyway, check out our feature  on adhe ive : It ha  everything you need to get  tuck on  crapbooking all over again, like the way I’m  tuck on thi   weet job!

By the way, we love letter  to the editor around here. And we want to hear from you! What do you think  crapbooking Monthly i  doing right? Conver ely, what i   crapbooking doing wrong?

Along the line  of that latter  ubject, and I  wore I wa n’t going to bring thi   hit up, but a  mall, vocal minority of about  ixteen letter-writing critic  keep trying to  ubvert my editor hip. To you “un weet 16,” I  ay thi : You can go  uck your elve  dry.

Try a  he might, the  on of a bitch publi her here can’t fire me anyway—at lea t not without a big time law uit for breach of contract. It’  true that we’re  till  orting thing  out at thi  magazine. However, the  hit torm of vitriol i  uncalled for. Per onally, I think  ome of you letter writer  have been  itting too clo e to your  crapbook  and inadvertently  niffing glue. Hey, it happen . I can atte t to accidentally  niffing inhalant , ju t don’t tell my health in urance provider, plea e.  eriou ly. Do not tell them.

Now I’m  orry I went and got  o  eriou , but  eriou ne   i  the  notty ti  ue that hold  the fabric of  ociety together. And we’re all about ti  ue paper and fabulou  fabric  around here!

Happy  crapbooking, everyone,  ave for you bitche  who tried to get my a    hitcanned. You know who you are, and you  uck.

 incerely,
 tephanie  mith-Wil on
 enior Editor,  crapbooking Monthly