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The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastily Written & Slopilly Edited
Thursday, November 30, 2006

Zach de la Rocha Performs the Preschool Poetry Slam Circuit

Three Blind Mice

Check-a check-a check it out, yo:
Three blind mice, ugh!
Three blind mice, ugh!
See how they run like downtrodden peasants from the bourgeois armies glorified by eons of lies and a Eurocentric history perpetuated without morals, muthafuckas!
They don’t want ya gettin’ hip to the horrors, suckas!
Blasted out in Baghdad, drugged in Darfur!
Eyes gouged out yo’ dome piece! Viet Nam, ugh!

Hey yo, three blind mice:
You’re BLIND, MUTHAFUCKAAAAAS!!!


Pop Goes the Weasel

Hey yo, all around the cobbler’s bench,
The monkey chased the weasel.
I won’t pray to a white Jesus, muthafucka!
Pop goes the weasel.

UGH!


Old MacDonald

Hey yo, check this out:
Old Macdonald had a farm,
E-I-E-I-O.
And yo, on this farm were some devil-ass PIGS!
E-I-E-I-yo, break it down!

From the putrid sty of bigotry, injustice reared its ugly head,
And yo, I put a cap right through its muthafuckin’ teeth!
An ominous portent, the Ghetto Bird, flew overhead,
While the L.A.P.D. choked out Rodney King beneath!

Old Macdonald’s corrupt justice system harbored the PIIIIIIGGGGSSSAAAHHH!!!

E-I-E-I-O.


Baa Baa Black Sheep

Hey yo, baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Hell na, hell na, not for you, fool!

Hey yo, the complacent masses need to wake the hell up!
I’m about to break it down, sheep. Break it up!
With the F to the R to the E-E-D-O-M!
Nine millimeters of chrome for the Unlce T-O-Ms!
I said rise up, rise up, hey yo, check this out, suckas!
Take back what is rightfully yours, muthafuckas:

WOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!


Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Hey yo, row, row, row my boat
Gently down the stream?

Fuck you, I won’t
Do I won’t
Do I won’t
Do I won’t
Do

What

You

Tell

Me…

MUTHAFUCKAAAAS!!!

UGH!

Eric Feezell has appeared, among other places, at McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Opium, and 7-Eleven. He can be found on the InterWeb at ericfeezell.com.
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