HEY POETRY! 10 Poems

by Brian Beatty

HEY POETRY!

You don’t have to rhyme
all the time, motherfucker.

HEY BOOB JOB!

You’re the most impressive job
those women will ever have.

HEY CUBAN CIGARS!

You smell like turds
and bad breath
from Cuba.

HEY MY BEARD!

Have you noticed how women
always seem scared to be alone

with us in elevators?

Is it because we’re the masculine
embodiment of erotic temptation?

HEY DAY JOB!

My soul
gives up.

HEY RELIGIOUS RIGHT!

Jesus said
to tell you
he’s going
to be late.

HEY PLAID!

You’re my favorite color.

HEY COWS!

A lot of vegetarians
are uncomfortable
wearing leather.

But you’re cool.

HEY HOLLYWOOD!

Why have I never seen
a movie about a donut
and a bear having fun
wilderness adventures?

Or the two of them could
inherit a bikini car wash.

HEY OUT-OF-BUSINESS ADULT BOOKSTORE!

That children’s section
was a really bad idea.