Favorable Outcomes Generated by Talking About the Weather
Stan: Hi, Margaret.
Margaret: Hey, Stan, how ya doin’?
Stan: Oh, O.K. So did you hear on the news? It’s going to hail today.
Margaret: Oh. No, I didn’t. It does feel a little cold, now that you mention it. Thanks for the update, Stan.
Stan: Think nothing of it. Nice bikini, by the way.
* * *
Bob: Hey there, Ed. Long time no see. How are the kids?
Ed: Fantastic. Sandra got straight As, and Eddie Jr. pitched a no-hitter in his Little League game last Saturday.
Bob: Wow, that’s great!
Ed: How about you and yours? How’s the missus?
Bob: Oh, not too good. She’s at the Betty Ford Clinic again.
Ed: Oh…
Bob: Yeah.
Ed: Wind’s sure blowing up a gale today, ain’t it?
Bob: Sure is, Ed.
Ed: Well.
Bob: Nice talkin’ to ya, Ed.
* * *
Waitress: Well here’s a face I haven’t seen in a while. The usual for you?
Customer: Yep. The usual.
Waitress: And a Diet Pepsi?
Customer: You said it.
Waitress: So how’s life?
Customer: I can’t complain. Boy, is it ever hot outside, though. I mean, geez Louise!
Waitress: That reminds me! I need to call the electric company to come out and fix my A.C. Knew I forgot to do something this morning. I was in such a rush!
Customer: Well, glad I could be of service to YOU for once!
Waitress: Thanks! My husband would have killed me!
Customer: Ha!
Waitress: No, really.
Customer: Oh.
* * *
Coworker 1: Out for a stroll?
Coworker 2: Yeah, I always enjoy a nice walk along the docks on my lunch break. Get out of the office for a few, you know?
Coworker 1: Me too.
Coworker 2: Man, take a look out over the bay, though. It sure looks like it’s gonna start dumping here in the next hour.
Coworker 1: Yeah, no kidding. Hey, do you think I could get a ride home today? I hate walking to the bus stop in a downpour.
Coworker 2: Sure, no problem. You’re totally on my way.
Coworker 1: Say, don’t you drive a convertible?
Coworker 2: Oh, shit! That would’ve sucked BIG TIME! Thanks for putting two and two together.
* * *
Lame Guy: How are you?
Cute Girl: Fine.
Lame Guy: What’s your name?
Cute Girl: Beth. Why?
Lame Guy: Ooh, Beth. That’s nice. You smell nice. I’m Ben, by the way.
Cute Girl: …
Lame Guy: You look familiar. You come to this park often?
Cute Girl: No.
Lame Guy: Hmm. I, uhh, must be thinking of somebody else. Yeah.
Cute Girl: …
Lame Guy: So, you’re a nature lover, too, I take it?
Cute Girl: No.
Lame Guy: Oh, that’s cool. It sure is nice out today. So, uh…
Cute Girl: …
Lame Guy: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and temperate.
Cute Girl: Oh…my…GOD! I LOVE that sonnet!
Lame Guy: What?
Cute Girl: How did you know?!
Lame Guy: Know what?