Welcome to the Machine

by Eric Feezell

Well, hello there! You must be our new tenant! Welcome to the Vending Machine! I’m Brown & Haley Almond Roca from E4, and I head up the Community Board. It says here that you are … Oy, where is it?…

I’m Deeply Sorry

by Tony Antoniadis

I, Tony Antoniadis, would like to take this opportunity to apologize to not a few folks in my life, people (and animals) whom I’ve doubtlessly troubled with my thoughtlessness and penchant to plumb fuck things up. So, without further adieu,…

I’m Totally into American Idol

by Geoff Wolinetz

I don’t know exactly when I got into American Idol, but it happened. What triggered my interest? I can’t say that I know. All I know is that I’ve put aside the ugly hatred and taken a bold step forward….

Once There Was a Day

“Let Me Go” by Heaven 17 from the album The Luxury Gap Third week of December, 1982 These little passages that we attach to these Shreek generally either invoke a memory or some interpretation of the song or even something…

Brecht & Weill’s Annie

by Dale Dobson

A black, empty stage. Lights up on Annie, a bruised and battered orphan girl whose cataract-stricken eyes have no visible pupils. Around her, other abandoned girls sleep fitfully on the dirty sweatshop floor as she sings

Read to the Death

Tonight your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, will read to the death at The Sweet Fancy Moses Literary Death Match Monday, March 13, 2006, 7:30 p.m. The Back Room, New York City, N.Y. 102 Norfolk St. @ Delancey St. (212) 228-5098…

Eleven Scenes that Help Explain Why They Pulled the Plug on M. Night Shyamalan’s Cinematic Adaptation of Life of Pi

by Stephen Ausherman

A mischievous little dog pulls back the tarpaulin to reveal that there is no God, only a very bad wizard, who nonetheless grants wishes for the gimpy zebra, the agitated orangutan, the heartless hyena, and the cowardly tiger. A precocious…

Make That “Borrow”

“Other Overwrought Acceptance Speeches” by Teddy Wayne “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You” by Zev Borow, The New York Times, Sunday, March 5, 2006 … Anyway, more Academy Award related stuff: “Acceptance Speech” by Michael J. Ewing “The…

And the Winner Is …

Your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, will be reading with Dennis DiClaudio at the Me Three Oscar Bash this Sunday, March 5 at 7 p.m. It will take place at Croxley’s Ale House at 28 Avenue B in Manhattan. If you…

Porn sans Sex

by Ben Kharakh

TV Repairman: I’m here to fix your TV.
Buxom Blonde: It’s over there. That’s my roommate.
Roommate: You going to hook us up with free HBO?
TV Repairman: It’ll cost you.
Roommate: Like, what, $20? …

Don’t Turn Around

Wayne Gladstone on “Der Kommissar”.

Paging David Blaine…

Right now, the operations department is desperately trying to get Jim Davis on the horn. The people need to know what actually transpired in today’s strip. In one panel, there’s a cookie and Jon is politely offering to share it…

The Other Side of Yuck

“The Other Side of Love” by Yazoo, from (we think) the single, “The Other Side of Love” First week of December, 1982 Imagine the sweetly infectious synth beat of Depeche Mode’s “Just Can’t Get Enough”, except instead of Martin Gore’s…