Like a Pigeon from Hell
 “Back on the Chain Gang” by the Pretenders, from the album Learning to Crawl
Second Week of October, 1982
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: If there were a statistic measuring “Looks to Talent” Ratio, Chrissie Hynde would be the all-time leader. She and Ray Davies of the Kinks had an on-again, off-again relationship for many, many years and I mention this only because he’s one of the uglier men alive. In the music video for “Come Dancing” (arguably the worst song released by the Kinks), he looks like a cartoon. The point I’m trying to make here is that there’s someone for everyone, no matter what you think while you’re heating up your Beefaroni in your crappy little studio apartment. I digress.
“Back on the Chain Gang” is a nice little ditty, energetic and vital. But with just a little knowledge of the back story, the song is pretty depressing. The song is a tribute to the former guitarist of the Pretenders, who died of a drug overdose around the time of this Shreek, something I didn’t know while I was walking around whistling the tune when I was a kid. And the analogy of losing someone that you care for as being sent back to prison and forced to do manual labor is just too much for my head to wrap itself around.
Best moment: “I found a picture of you/ Those were the happiest days of my life/ Like a break in the battle was your part /In the wretched life of a lonely heart.” (@ 2:46)
—G.W.
Geoff Wolinetz cannot be found on IMDb because the Hollywood community refuses to acknowledge the production of his seminal masterpiece Come What May, a gritty psychothriller starring a guy who kind of looks like Billy Baldwin and Erin Gray (formerly of "Silver Spoons"). If he were to be found on IMDb, his name would fall between "Geoff Witcher" and "Geoff Wood." In addition to his imaginary film career, Geoff also maintains an imaginary career as a baron of industry, is lead singer of the imaginary band Kick Ass, Falco, holds an imaginary Olympic gold medal and is an imaginary Pulitzer laureate in the field of journalism for his investigative piece on the albinos of Alaska.
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