Die Hard Police Officer John McClane Prepares His Cover Letter for Admission to an M.F.A. in Creative Writing Program

by John Harnetiaux

Look, I’ll level with ya: I’m not writing this goddamned essay for any reason other than my wife Holly, so let’s get that fuckin’ straight right now. Holly said something like, “John, you gotta get in touch with your imagination, John, you gotta express yourself more,” and I was like, “What the shit you think I’ve been doing my last 20 years as a cop?!” …

The Complete Radar

Collected in two handsome, leather-bound volumes, with raised spine, gilt edges, and over 2,300 illustrations, The Complete Radar is yours for only $289.00.

Excerpt from an Article Found in the Handbill for “Let’s Combat Hunger: A Fashion Charity Soirée,” November 14, 2005, New York, New York

by Mike Sacks

(Pages 8 – 11) … so that is why we should never pity the homeless, but rather, understand them on our own terms. With that said, exploring the unknown portions of this city will reap you gigantic rewards…

Pity, Indeed

Jon stands beneath mistletoe (apparently awaiting a kiss from either his cat or dog?). Garfield places a signpost near him reading “Have Pity.” How the cat crafted the sign, I’ve no idea….

The White Stripes at the Hotel Yorba

10 a.m. — The Hotel Yorba.
Personal Assistant: Hello, operator.
Receptionist: Hello. Hotel Yorba—reception.
P.A.: Yes, I would like to book a room for Meg and Jack of the White Stripes.
Receptionist: Oh, the popular beat combo—of course. What kind of room would they like …