Excerpt from an Article Found in the Handbill for “Let’s Combat Hunger: A Fashion Charity Soirée,” November 14, 2005, New York, New York

by Mike Sacks

Tony, an amicable imp garbed in a sailor’s hat, sheet-metal spats and a strangely workable kerchief, impresses easily (Times Square Red Lobster, southeast exit). This waif is a filthy joy to behold …

Pity, Indeed

Jon stands beneath mistletoe (apparently awaiting a kiss from either his cat or dog?). Garfield places a signpost near him reading “Have Pity.” How the cat crafted the sign, I’ve no idea….

The White Stripes at the Hotel Yorba

10 a.m. — The Hotel Yorba.
Personal Assistant: Hello, operator.
Receptionist: Hello. Hotel Yorba—reception.
P.A.: Yes, I would like to book a room for Meg and Jack of the White Stripes.
Receptionist: Oh, the popular beat combo—of course. What kind of room would they like …

Disquieting Modern Trends: Back to Basics Edition

Harry Potter—Just Not Getting Any? | Frat Boys Who Wear Backwards Baseball Caps | “Bands” That Are Really Just One Guy Who Gave Himself a Band Name | When the Little Light inside the Car Doesn’t Turn Off as Soon as the Door Is Closed but Instead Fades Dramatically after Eight Seconds | Music on the Radio, Generally | Eva Longoria, Overexposed

The Absent Adults of Childhood Favorites Speak

by Russell Bradbury-Carlin

Mrs. Tina Brown, Mother of Charlie Brown: “Wah wah wahhhh waaaah, wah wahh waah waahhh wah.