The following is my application letter for the Pulitzer Prize. Update: A case of beer was dropped off to their offices, around lunchtime on October 28. I hope they enjoyed the beer and expect to hear from them shortly.
Dear Pulitzer Prize Chairman Lee C. Bollinger: I am a winner. I’ve always been a winner…
Giuseppe, We’ve had lots of fun these past three years at the Corner Mall. Remember when I set your hair on fire? How about that time I gave you Hepatitis C? So much shared history to treasure. It’s not that…
Garfield, still wearing Santa’s stolen hat, now consumes Santa’s cookies. To add insult to injury, he does it under the cover of Santa’s hat! Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good, you fat fuck. Stop screwing with him….