— Etc. —

MMV

Ah, 2005—We remember it well. Geoff Wolinetz played the titular role in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, Josh Abraham asked if he could shoot a film in your bathroom*, and Nick Jezarian ate fifty-one grilled cheese sandwiches in an hour, besting his previous record by three sandwiches and no vomit. And the Y.P.R. editors three joined the ranks of the new Cracked magazine, forthcoming in 2006

Cultural critics Will Layman and Ed Fischer, in possession of disquietude meters so finely tuned they can detect the seismic disturbances of a brow being furrowed anywhere on the continent, have kept their unblinking eyes trained upon modern trends that disquiet.
Disquieting Modern Trends

Our across-the-pond ally, Steve Finbow, reported on the escapades of musicians seeking shelter on tour.
Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms

Following, we present some of our very favorite selections from this past year, and a special tip of the hat to Y.P.R.’s very frequent contributors. We’ve begged them to stop, but they keep sending us more material.

Thanks to everyone who made 2005 possible for this humble journal. In 2006, we’ll be switching format to reggaeton/salsa, and we hope you’ll all stick along for the ride.

Those from Whom No Guff Will Be Brooked by Mary Phillips-Sandy

What It’s Like to Have Sex with Me by Chris Granger

I Am a Terrible Person to Cheat on Your Boyfriend With by Matt Borden

Unlikely Pen Pals: Penny Dobson, Seventh-Grader from Suburban New Jersey circa 1985, and Vladimir Tarkovsky, Inmate of a Siberian Gulag circa 1952 by Aaron Starmer

Questions for Discussion by Joseph Rogers

Chuck Palahniuk Mows the Lawn by Jesse Kavadlo

How to Get a New York City Straphanger to Bankroll Your Alternative Lifestyle by Tony Antoniadis

Hamlet by P. G. Wodehouse by Jaime J. Weinman

Excerpt from an Article Found in the Handbill for ‘Let’s Combat Hunger: A Fashion Charity Soirée,’ November 14, 2005, New York, New York by Mike Sacks

Karl Rove’s Ringside Boasts by Michael Rottman

Rejected Letters to Penthouse Forum by Ed Murray

An Internet Humor Writer Comes Clean by Christopher Monks

Sad Face/Happy Face by Aaron Belz

Mr. Teddy Wayne Judy and Jim in Paris I Am Tom Cruise, and I Love Women The Weatherman’s Weekend Forecast The Night of Standup Comedy I Recently Saw, Reduced to Its Logical Abstractions, as per Freud’s Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious Temping in Vatican City Other Overwrought Acceptance Speeches David Foster Wallace, TV Guide Synopsist Ms. Amy Shearn The Most Excellent () and Lamentable () Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, Told Entirely in Emoticons Molly Bloom Takes Manhattan The New Harry Potter Book, as Dictated by My Boss, Brian Schmutto Mr. Gladstone Subtle Changes to the Titles of Children’s Shows That Would Require Drastic Changes in Program Content A Frequent Contributor to a Popular Internet Humor Site Is Transported Back in Time, and, after Finding Work as a Writer on Your Show of Shows, Is Reprimanded by Sid Caesar within One Week A Real Estate Agent’s Tour Of Hannigan’s Cove: Fictional Town For Rent Or Sale To Aspiring Novelists Mr. David John Waiting Room Phone Call Informing the New Nobel Prize Winner in Physics of His Award, Shortly after He’s Had a Breakdown and Reverted to a Childlike State, as KISS Alive Plays in the Background Godzilla vs. Godzilla Kafka + 2 Resignation Letter from an Organ Grinder’s Monkey

Mr. Mick Stingley An American Psycho Christmas Thank You for Taking Me to See Your Friend’s Band Excerpts from Paul Stanley’s Testimony Before the Senate Armed Services Committee Regarding the Capability and Readiness of the Kiss Army™ in the War Against Terror™ Editor’s Letter Notes to Hoobastank Street-Teamers for Posting CD Reviews on Amazon.com As Reviewed by Ben Brantley Mr. Russell Bradbury-Carlin Pay the Rent: A Solo Play Exploring Gender Politics Masters of My Domain: My Vices as Characters from “Seinfeld” I Sound My Chlorophyll Yawp Hills Like Stuffed Tigers: Calvin Discovers Hemingway The Absent Adults of Childhood Favorites Speak Mr. Brian Beatty Aardvarks Like Root Beer: Nine Poems All About Me: 12 Poems Ten Tiny Poems Ms. J. M. Houk “Now It Can Be Sold” by Drinkmore Stout Amendments to the New Iraqi Constitution Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Meet Prince and the Half-Baked Potter Mr. Dale Dobson New Adaptations for the Holiday Theatre Season Nice Things to Say to Chris Columbus after Seeing Rent Onstage Play-by-Play: Oklahoma!

Ms. Angela Genusa LeBron James, from an Interview in the March 2005 Issue of GQ and the King James Bible Kurt Cobain’s Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks Morrissey Addresses the Graduating High-School Class of 2005 Extremely Long and Incredibly Bad Writer’s Block A Day in My Life as Reviewed by Rolling Stone Airbag Warnings Mr. Will Layman Woody’s Sketches for His Next Four Pictures The Recently Discovered “Erotick Poetry” of Daniel Chelly-Ladbourne “B.L.T.”: A Review If the Republicans Were Making GEICO Commercials Mr. Jonathan Stern The People Recommend Lesser Known Secrets from Secret Antiperspirant & Deodorant … When Yakov Smirnoff Was King Mr. Jeremy Martin Highlights from Kurt Vonnegut’s Friar’s Club Roast The Good News Two Real Case Studies in Snap Judgment Involving My Parents Dr. David Ng Cartoon Episodes About Science Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project Notes from Mattel’s “Future of Barbie®” Brainstorming Session

Kent Roberts, author of A Portrait of Yo Momma as a Young Man, sent a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon to the Pulitzer Prize Committee: Selling Myself, Installment I

And frequent contributor Dennis DiClaudio (author of The Hypochondriac’s Big Book of Scare-the-Shit-Out-of-You Diseases) brought us a message from avian influenza: A Message from Avian Influenza A (H5N1) to the People of Planet Earth: I Will Kill You All!

Y.P.R. distributed those five question marks to faux mad scientist Malcolm Gladwell, Queens boy Sam Lipsyte, the almost-famous Sasha Frere-Jones, convicted necropheliac Andrei Codrescu, and disease enthusiast Dennis DiClaudio.
One-Question Interviews

We gave proper farewells to both Nipsey Russell and Pope John Paul II:
R.I.P., Nipsey Russell | Dear Nipsey
Was the Pope Polish?: John Paul II, 1920-2005 | Temping in Vatican City

Radar magazine rose from the dead only to re-die three issues later, just like Christ.

Frequent contributor Angela Genusa reported to us that David Sedaris, the noted anecdotist, is “delighted with Yankee Pot Roast.”

Michael Chabon separated fact from fiction for us: The Amazing Adventure of Michael Chabon and the Golem.

Foreign correspondent Han Yao Wen presented our readers ten prime examples of The Humor from China, a piece which had the unfortunate timing of being published on April 1st, thus prompting many readers to question if it were real or a joke. Mr. Yao Wen is a real, live comedy writer living in Yulin City—unless the joke is on us. (Possible.)

Y.P.R. and Maureen Dowd engaged in some fantasy role-playing games:
Maureen Dowd, Avenging Angel | Maureen Dowd, Untouchable Mutant

As did the The New York Times and Post.

And we lost our spartan, stoic logo: Logo Gallery

The Y.P.R. Book-of-the-Month(-ish) Club

The Y.P.R. Book Club read and discussed the following notable books of the year: J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, Jonathan Safran Foer’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Sam Lipsyte’s Home Land, Malcolm Gladwell’s Blink!, and the Complete Canon of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Thanks for reading. Y.P.R. returns in 2006.