In Response to My Little Sister’s Plea for Assistance on Her History Report—Topic: “The Middle Ages”

by Eric Feezell

It is estimated that anywhere from one-third to one-half of Europe’s population succumbed to the infamous fourteenth-century Black Plague epidemic. While a massive fatality rate is concordant with most historical accounts, the inflated death toll fails to consider the Great…

A Play In One Act

Jon: I’m glad to have you as a pet. Garfield: Don’t touch me. Y.P.R.: Please stop producing this….

Happy Hallowe’en!

Y.P.R HQ has had a bag of dog crap thrown on its door by our former best friend. After screaming, “You shit on my house, man! You shit on my house” at him, we’ve taken to the task of cleaning…

Y.P.R Is Kind of Crazy with a Spooky Little Reader Like You

Recycled, but relevant: Please check out The Bone-Chilling, Spine-Tingling, Hair-Raising, Bloodcurdling Hallowe’en House of Horror from way back in 2003. Oooooooooh! Mwhahahahahahah….

Is This Shit Supposed to Be Funny?

The dog tells Garfield to go away. Garfield does. Are you kidding me?…

Excerpts from Paul Stanley’s Testimony Before the Senate Armed Services Committee Regarding the Capability and Readiness of the Kiss Army™ in the War Against Terror™

by Mick Stingley

(Tuesday afternoon, 14:10 EST.) Senator McCain: First of all, I’d like to begin by thanking Mr. Stanley for appearing before this committee. Mr. Stanley, do you have any opening statements? Paul Stanley: OH YEAH! HOW YAH DOIN, PEEPLE? WELL, AWWRIGHT!…

What I Could Have Done to that Jerk Who Asked Me “Hey You Know Karate?” Had I Actually Known Karate

by James Yeh

Walked over to him and listed some of the other possible questions that he could have asked using common Asian stereotypes as a template:”Hey you eat dog?”“Hey you know math?”“Hey you make my car?” Directed obscene gestures toward him while…

The Dog Should Have Killed Garfield

The cat plays on the fragile psyche of a self-described “mean” dog. The cat revels in his own “meanness.” I die a little inside….

Human Brain and Animal Brain, Analogous? No!: A Keen Example of Objective Scientific Argument by Professor Pierre Dugelay, Ph.D., Philosophy and Cultural Studies, Translation to English Permitted for Higher Education Purposes Only

by Daniel Byard Cox

The human brain is quite elaborate. It employs electrochemical mechanisms and triggers physiological responses so complex that even science has struggled to understand it all. Many scientists would, in fact, categorize the human brain as a “final frontier.” The depths…

32°F or Jon’s IQ: Which Is Higher?

The fish is missing and Garfield is next to the fishbowl. Where on Earth could the fish possibly be? Don’t worry. Rather than leaving it to the scholars to debate this Holmesian mystery, Jim Davis solves it for us. Thank…

Waiting Room

by David John

Who’s the new guy? Is he new? Nope, guess I’ve seen him here before. Every Friday at 7:55 a.m., just like me. Balding—pasty. Yeah, I’ve seen the guy. Could really use more sun. 45—older maybe. Yeah, guess he’s been coming…

And Funky Winkerbean Languishes in Obscurity

We’re not sure what’s more disturbing: the fact that this obese cat can take down an entire hamburger in one quick bite or that Jim Davis is still getting paid real American dollars to have this slapdash, idiotic piece of…

Captain Red Shirt

by Jack Conway

Orville Titus was kidnapped by pirates when he was nine years old. Orville was an orphan so getting kidnapped by a bunch of pirates wasn’t such a bad thing as far as he was concerned. It was a lot better…

Staring into the Abyss

The owner, who appears to have less and less to live for with each passing day, waxes aloud about his seemingly interminable day. The cat, whose laziness is surpassed only by his disdain for his human counterpart, suggests that the…

A Frequent Contributor to a Popular Internet Humor Site Is Transported Back in Time, and, after Finding Work as a Writer on Your Show of Shows, Is Reprimanded by Sid Caesar within One Week

by Wayne Gladstone

A Play in One Act Never to Be Performed Ever Characters: Steve: A frequent contributor to a popular Internet humor site. 30s-ish. Sid Caesar: Star and creative force behind Your Show of Shows, whose writing staff included Mel Brooks,…