blankspace.gif
KISS Logo
The Journal of Literary Satire | Hastilly Written & Sloppilly Edited
Syndicate

RSD | RSS I | RSS II | Atøm | Spanish

Shop
Bea!
Support Submit
Submit
From the Y.P.aRchives Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!) Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies Poetry & Lyric Advice, How To, & Self-Help Listicles Semi-Frequent Columns Letter from the Editors Disquieting Modern Trends Interviews Interviews with Interviewers One-Question Interviews The Book Club Media Gadflies Calendrical Happenings Roasts Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives
Creative
Commons License
This journal is licensed under a Creative Commons License and powered by Movable Typo 4.01.
Crockpot!
© MMIII—MMVIII,
Y.P.R. & Co.

Friday, October 7, 2005

Fiction
Phone Call Informing the New Nobel Prize Winner in Physics of His Award, Shortly after He's Had a Breakdown and Reverted to a Childlike State, as KISS Alive Plays in the Background

by David John

“Hello, professor? Stockholm here. You’ve won the Nobel Prize for your work on the heat-death of the universe.”

Stars are pretty.

“Yes, well said. ‘Star light, star bright,’ as it were. You’ve out-shown them all. You’ve won, professor!”

Pretty stars …

You show us everything you’ve got … baby, baby that’s quite a lot … and you drive us wild, we’ll drive you crazy.

“Professor, so sorry. I didn’t catch that. There seems to be some
interference on the line.”

You keep on shoutin’, you keep on shoutin’ …

“Are you listening to music, professor?”

I wanna rock and roll all nite …

“Professor?”

KISS.

“Excuse me?”

Kiss Kiss Kiss.

… and party ev-er-y day!

“If this is a bad time—it must be very early there—we can call back …”

O.K., kiss kiss.

“Shall we call you back then?”

(Kickin’ Ace Frehley guitar solo.)

“We must have a bad connection. We’ll try back shortly, professor.
Congratulations! Goodbye for now.”

CLICK!

Bye.

(Solo continues, crowd noise surges.)

Bye.

(Phone buzzes.)

Bye bye stars.

Pretty stars bye bye.

End.

The balding author swears he's not related to Elton.