Donor Secrecy

I am the head of a private investigations company. We have been approached by a woman whose 4-year-old child was conceived through an anonymous sperm donor. She wants us to locate the donor so that when her child turns 18, she can tell her who her biological father is. May we ethically take the case?
S.P., New York

Listen, dick: anonymous sperm donors are either junkies seeking fast cash or perverts seeking cheap thrills, if not perverted junkies seeking both. Women who resort to sperm donors are just old-fashioned ugly. Best bet is for you to take this cow’s cash and tell her the bastard’s pop died a war hero.

Our master’s degree program in public policy requires students to devise solutions to a real-life policy problem—this year, the crisis in military recruitment and retention. The best paper will be forwarded to the Department of Defense. We students oppose the war in Iraq and the military’s rejection of gay recruits and see each as a cause of the recruitment problem. Is it ethical to require us to participate in an exercise aimed at assisting an institution whose policies we morally oppose?
H.V.S., A.K., Cambridge, Mass.

Holy fuck, the D.O.D. really needs to commandeer grad students’ senior theses for help? Oh fuck. We are so fucking fucked.