What a Rick Steves Travel Guide to Venice Would Look Like if Rick Steves Were Severely Agoraphobic

by Greg Ruehlmann

Introduction In this guide we’ll explore the majesty of Venice: you’ll find out how to journey in quaint gondolas through august waterways, dine sumptuously in cozy back-alley pizzerias, and weep in bitter humiliation when a social-panic-induced diarrhea attack sends you…

Adventures in Primatology

Jon kisses a monkey, lets his tongue aerate as his dumb dog does….

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief as Experienced by Me Reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

by Lauren Verlizzo

  Avast! Spoiler WarningIf you’re of the sort who gets all pissy about cats being let out of bags. Um, also, we should point out that the author, Ms. Verlizzo, did not forewarn the noble Y.P.R. editors and thus ruined…

Jim Davis’s First Dick Joke

After stalking the cute perfume tester at the mall, Jon is sprayed with Eau de Sauerkraut, which, as the cat points out, goes well with wieners. (Get it? Wieners!)…

Rock Stars Enjoying Anonymity

by Daniel Byard Cox

Officer John Lee: You know why I pulled ya over, buddy? Gavin Rossdale: (Speaking loudly over music from his car stereo.) Uh, I was “speeding” I think it’s called. Officer: How ’bout I call it reckless drivin’ and take…

Macho Nacho

Jon ingests huge quantities of nachos to impress a girl who works in a bowling alley. Sadder than it is nauseating….

Cassius Karl

Karl Rove’s Ringside Boasts

by Michael Rottman

It ain’t braggin’ if you’re a Republican.

This Comic Strip Depresses the Shit out of Me

Jon, desparate for any living attention, tells his pet of the cute girl he met at the supermarket. Sad, I know. Sadder still: the cat only cares whether its master bought doughnuts. I bet the supermarket checkout girl didn’t even…

Listen: The Y.P.R. Book Club hereby selects the entire canon of Kurt Vonnegut Jr. including the new collection, A Man without a Country. Please send forth your Kilgore Troutisms, your sketchy doodles, your decrepit old-man ramblings, your liberal, humanist, psuedo-socialist,…

Dog Licks Cone & Cat

With one literal tongue lashing, the stupid dog licks all the wicked cat’s ice cream. And fur….

Get It? Because He Ate the Bird

Jon spots a single, yellow feather. “Is that a canary feather?” he asks. Garfield says, “Not anymore.” This is supposedly hilarious….

Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid

Jon dates a mime, reiterates his date’s choking/gagging gestures for his pet….

Phone Call Informing the New Nobel Prize Winner in Physics of His Award, Shortly after He’s Had a Breakdown and Reverted to a Childlike State, as KISS Alive Plays in the Background

by David John

“Hello, professor? Stockholm here. You’ve won the Nobel Prize for your work on the heat-death of the universe.”
Stars are pretty.
“Yes, well said.
“Star light, star bright,” as it were. You’ve out-shown them all. You’ve won, professor!”
Pretty stars …