Sad Face/Happy Face

by Aaron Belz

sad face: Hey, man, what’s going down, yo. happy face: Aww, doo, what’s up with your bad self?? sad face: Ya know, ya know. Keepin’ it rizzo in the shizzo. happy face: I heard what you just said. sad face:…

A Real Estate Agent’s Tour Of Hannigan’s Cove: Fictional Town For Rent Or Sale To Aspiring Novelists

by Wayne Gladstone

Thanks for coming. You find it all right? I hope the directions were O.K. Some people get lost at the Maple Path part, but you just keep going, past the forest and over the hill until you hear the heartbeat…

J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Rowling’s Spawn*

by George Motisher

At Hogwarts School did Rowling’s spawn A stately treasure-dome decree: Where Cash, the sacred stream rushed on, Through vaulted caves with sunlight gone     Down to a deep green sea. So twice five miles of well-worn ground With walls and towers…

The New Harry Potter Book, as Dictated by My Boss, Brian Schmutto

by Amy Shearn

Memo: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Guy. O.K., O.K., O.K., I know it’s five o’clock, but seriously, they needed this yesterday. This will take less than a minute, I swear to you, so let’s bang this out real quick right…

Numerous Events That Should Be Included in the Film Adaptation of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in Order to Widen Its Urban Appeal

by Andrew Sheivachman

Instead of mourning for godfather Sirius Black, Harry should spill a forty in his dead homie’s honor. Quidditch should be dropped as Hogwarts’ official school sport; perhaps And-1’s roster of notorious ‘Playaz’ could be employed to hasten the conversion to…

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Meet Prince and the Half-Baked Potter

by J. M. Houk

H.P.: Hi, there. I’m Harry Potter and this is my friend, Prince Harry. His mother was Princess Di. He doesn’t really look much like Prince Charles, which has led to some discussion about whether he is actually Prince Charles’ son….

Harry Potter and the Magic of Puberty

by Nick Jezarian

Everything was going swimmingly for Harry Potter while he was at Hogwarts until he hit what would be the equivalent of the 10th-grade for a Muggle. During Harry’s second semester that year, he began to develop what we Muggles refer…

Harry Potter and the Bitch Ex-Wife

by Geoff Wolinetz

“All rise. Court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Albus P. Dumbledore presiding.” The entire courtroom, including Harry, Hermione, and their lawyers, stood as Dumbledore walked through a door and up to the bench where he was to preside…

Advertise Here

by Nick Jezarian

AdAge had an article just the other day talking about how major advertisers can’t control the online space like they’d want. They’re busy wrestling with the hard-to-control content. Ohhhhh, aren’t they strong. Actually, they are. If they can force a…

This Isn’t Working

Our friends over at Drink at Work will be débuting their new play, This Isn’t Working, part of the 2005 New York International Fringe Festival, starting this Saturday, August 13th. You can catch all the times, dates, and other extraneous…

We’ll Be Right Back after a Quick Word from Our Sponsors …

Hello Y.P.R-keteers! We just wanted to poke our heads in the room for a moment to let you know that Y.P.R. will be back with brand-spanking-new content on August 15, 2005. For now, please peruse our copious archives of content…

We Should Go Hat-Shopping Together Sometime, Pt. II

Hi Jimmy, Just read an acticle about your huge head [“My Huge Head,” April 10, 2003]. Exactly what is the size in cm or inches? My head is 62 cm (24 inches). Just wondered if my head is large or…

Welcome to the Dog Days

Your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, tackles the first week of August. “Incoming! August 1, 2005,” at The Black Table. Read it and sweat….