Monday, August 15, 2005

— Book Club —
J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

The Y.P.R. Book Club hereby declares Harry Potter and the Half-Baked Clam by J. K. Rowling this month’s selection. We’d asked for your magical parodies, deleted chapters, musical adaptations, illustrations, etc., whether you’ve read the book or not. And you certainly provided.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Grief as Experienced by Me Reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by Lauren Verlizzo

Rowling’s Spawn by George Motisher

The New Harry Potter Book, as Dictated by My Boss, Brian Schmutto by Amy Shearn

Numerous Events That Should Be Included in the Film Adaptation of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in Order to Widen Its Urban Appeal by Andrew Sheivachman

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Meet Prince and the Half-Baked Potter by J. M. Houk

Harry Potter and the Magic of Puberty by Nick Jezarian

Harry Potter and the Bitch Ex-Wife by Geoff Wolinetz

A Muggle’s Guide to the World of Harry Potter (Written by a Guy Who Never Read the Books or Watched the Films, but Is Pretty Good at Figuring Things Out) by Pierre “He Who Should Not Be Named” Cavanaugh

— Poetry & Lyric —

Rowling’s Spawn*

George Motisher

At Hogwarts School did Rowling’s spawn A stately treasure-dome decree: Where Cash, the sacred stream rushed on, Through vaulted caves with sunlight gone Down to a deep green sea. So twice five miles of well-worn ground With walls and towers...

— Fiction —

The New Harry Potter Book, as Dictated by My Boss, Brian Schmutto

Amy Shearn

O.K., so we got Voldemort, right, the Death Eaters, you got that part already, right? What do you mean? Haven't you been listening? O.K., fine, so Voldemort and the death eaters and the Dementors, terrorizing London, yada yada. Make it sound really good, really creepy.

— Listicles —

Numerous Events That Should Be Included in the Film Adaptation of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in Order to Widen Its Urban Appeal

Andrew Sheivachman

Instead of mourning for godfather Sirius Black, Harry should spill a forty in his dead homie's honor. Quidditch should be dropped as Hogwarts’ official school sport; perhaps And-1's roster of notorious 'Playaz' could be employed to hasten the conversion to...

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