Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Meet Prince and the Half-Baked Potter

H.P.: Hi, there. I’m Harry Potter and this is my friend, Prince Harry. His mother was Princess Di. He doesn’t really look much like Prince Charles, which has led to some discussion about whether he is actually Prince Charles’ son. The joke around Windsor Castle is that he’s the “Half-Blood Prince.” Dumbledore knows the whole story and he’s made cryptic remarks that Prince Charles is Lord Voldemort. He’ll probably make me risk my life in book seven, jumping through all kinds of ridiculous hoops, trying to figure it out. I can hardly wait, sheesh.

P.: Nice to meet you. I’m Prince. My real name is Prince Rogers Nelson . On my 35th birthday, I decided it would be cool to change my name to an unpronounceable symbol: O (+>. I thought that was cool, until it became complicated every time I had to write a check. It was such a drag having to pull out my photo ID and explain the whole symbol thing. I finally decided it was easier to use my name than to basically go through a Spanish Inquisition at Safeway every time I wanted to pay by check.

H.P.: Wow, you really do your own shopping at Safeway? Dumbledore insists on doing all the shopping for Hogwarts, but says the police hassle him all the time. They think he’s a homeless person.

P.: Let me introduce you to my friend, John Wedgewood. He worked at his family’s famous pottery factory in Stoke-on-Trent, in Staffordshire, England, but just couldn’t cut it and was fired by his own mother. He couldn’t stand the heat of the kilns, so he turned the temperature down to keep from perspiring all day. Most of the pottery he produced never cured properly and looked a lot like the melting clocks and dishes in Dalí paintings. As you can imagine, his family referred to him as the “Half-Baked Potter.”

H.P.: I like Dalí. Maybe there would be a market for that kind of stuff on eBay?

P.: I’ve got a better idea. You could use his plates and dishes as place settings in the Hogwarts dining halls in your next movie. We could make some real money by licensing the deformed place settings for sale as a “purchase with purchase” at Burger King or Mickey D’s.

H.P.: Sounds great. I’ll have my people call your people and set something up.

P.: Looking forward to working with you. Nice meeting you, man. Here’s a copy of The Watchtower. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness now and have to meet my weekly quota of getting out the Word.

H.P.: Gee, thanks, but I’m already involved in some really heavy and complicated religious issues of my own right now. The new pope thinks my stories are inspiring Satanism. He’s obviously been sipping too much chalice wine. Nice meeting you, Prince. Loved “Purple Rain.” Whatever happened to Morris Day and the Time? They rocked. I’ll tell my people to expect a call from your peeps. Keep it real, man.