— Listicles —

Kafka + 2

Discarded from Early Drafts of Kafka’s Metamorphosis

The guy wakes up as …

a depressed clam
a self-hating marmoset
a suicidal aardvark
an angst-ridden snail cooked in a wine-and-butter sauce
a foul-mouthed Shih Tzu
a really stupid snake
an alienated loofah
neurotic salad tongs
existential pinking shears
a jive-talking baby seal

*     *     *

Shouted to Me on My Walks Home

“Do you know if that Bennigan’s stays open late?”
“Where do they keep the hookers around here?”
“Can you change a hundred dollar bill?”
“You’re a cop! I know you’re a cop!”
“Can you tell me if there’s a squirrel stuck in my grille?”
“Sorry, I thought you were somebody else.”

*     *     *

Spellings on Some License Plates in the Harvard Club Parking Lot

HAHVAD
HRVD MD
HRVD JD
CRIMSN
YALEEE