New & Noteworthy
Sally Forth

Hey, remember The Fourth of July, 2003? We don't, but found this in our archives:

Fourth of July Fourthiness.

Independence is on the march, patriots.

& Recently . . .

Kurt Cobain's Ghost with an Invitation to a Fourth of July Picnic and Fireworks by Angela Genusa

"B.L.T.": A Review by Will Layman

Ten Tiny Poems by Brian Beatty

Angry Words from a Gnome Who to This Day Continues to Think the Human Genome Project Was Actually The Human Gnome Project by David Ng

Key Party, N.Y.C., Circa Always by William K. Burnette

A Day on the Phone with Mythological Norse Firewarrior, Bringer of Storms by Aaron Belz

Polish Fact

Population Growth Rate:
0% (2003 est.)

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Holen Sie mir Ihr feinstes Fleisch und Käse.
Bring me your finest meats and cheeses.

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Friday, October 1, 2004   |    Fiction
Check!

Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam Synopsize Nicholson Baker’s Checkpoint

by George Motisher

bugs: Nyaah, what’s up, doc?

sam: I’m a-gonna kill that varmint president.

bugs: No you’re not.

sam: Yer doggone right I am. And no flea-bitten rabbit’s a-gonna stop me.

bugs: Oh yeah?

sam: Yeah. That no good mangy varmint’s gotta go.

bugs: You ain’t gonna do it. Flat characters can never kill anyone for real.

sam: Well, this time one of ’em’s a-gonna. Outta mah way, rabbit!

bugs: You can’t do it.

sam: Can too.

bugs: Can not.

sam: Can too.

bugs: Can not.

sam: Can too.

bugs: Can too.

sam: Can not.

bugs: Can too.

sam: Can not— Hey, just a doggone minute! We done got each other’s lines!

bugs: I still say you can’t do it.

sam: You just a-watch me, you moth-eaten critter. Tarnation! You took mah six-shooters!

bugs: Ain’t I a stinker? Come on, doc. We need to go back to Albuquerque.

George Motisher first achieved fame as a scientist. He set up the original double-blind study that proved conclusively which items actually did beat a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, and has recently conducted research into how socio-economic factors play a role in turning good cholesterol bad. His research results have been published in Well Known Scientific Journal and Respected International Quarterly, and he has been recognized by Prestigious Organization of World-Renowned Researchers. He became a writer as part of a study of poverty.