Monday, March 15, 2004 |
— Listicles —
Sem Ordnilap Ytir Belec: Celebrity Palindromes
“Lisa Bonet ate no basil.”
— Lenny Kravitz, summing up their last lunch date.
“Men, I’m Eminem!”
— The rapper, upon entering prison.
“Yes, sir—Romeo foe: Morrissey.”
— The singer reaffirms his asexuality.
“Damn! I, Agassi, miss again! Mad!”
— The tennis player, after being exposed to gamma rays.
“To Idi Amin: I’m a idiot!”
— G.W.B.
“Oprah deified Harpo.”
— Uma.
“No, Mel Gibson is a casino’s big lemon.”
— The pope, clairifying what he meant by “It is as it was.”
“Vanna, wanna ‘V’?”
— Pat Sajak, getting randy after six rounds of Maker’s Mark.
“Is Don Adams mad? (A nod.) Si!”
— Director of Mexico’s Nick a Noche.
“Age, irony, Noriega.”
— G.H.W.B., recalling good times.
“To Jay Leno: Lonely? A jot.”
— E-mail subject line from Johnny.
“O.J. nabs banjo. “
— Headline in Brentwood local paper.
“Not sin; Aniston.”
— Brad Pitt, explaining the black eye.
“Draw? Oh no, Ron Howard. “
— Henry Winkler flunking art class.
“Nobel? No, miss, Simon Le Bon.”
— The Duraner mistaking the prestigious ceremony for the MTV Europe Awards.
“Flog sad loser Al Gore. Zero glares, old as golf.”
— Bill O’Reilly, reporting the 2000 election.
“So, G. Rivera’s tots are Virgos.”
— Madame Lydia, astrologer to the ‘stars.’
“Depardieu, go razz a rogue I draped.”
— Ridley Scott, directing the actor on set of 1492.
“Alan Alda stops racecar, spots ad: “Lana—L.A.”
— NBC executive pitching a midseason replacement series.
“Set at serif, as Safire states.”
— From The New York Times Manual of Style & Usage
“Sis, ask Costner to not rent socks “as is.”
— ????
“Tarzan raised Desi Arnaz’ rat.”
— Lucille Ball, explaining why her cat’s tail is a bloody stump.
“E. Borgnine drags Dad’s gardening robe.”
— Chapter 3 of the unauthorized biography, Ernest: The Man, the Myth.
“Toni Tennille fell in net. I, not!”
— The Captain, drunk again.
“T. Eliot nixes sex in toilet.”
— The poet approving the musical adaptation of Cats.
“Gustav Klimt milk vats—ug! “
— The worst part of art-history class.
“O, Geronimo; no minor ego.”
— Chief Crazy Horse on hubris.
“Plan no damn Madonna LP! “
— Guy Ritchie advising the D.J.
“Yawn. Madonna fan? No damn way!”
— Sean Penn’s acceptance speech.
“Wonder if Sununu’s fired now.”
— Kissinger, finally replying to old messages.
“So… Mariah Carey, a LP, a player… a chair, Amos!”
— Andy, setting up a game of musical chairs.
“Drat Sadat, a dastard!”
— Old Yiddish proverb.
“Drat Saddam, a mad dastard!”
— Old Yiddish proverb.
“Oh, no! Don Ho!”
— The state of Hawaii
“Sir, a plan, a canal; Paris.”
— Rick Salomon’s director’s commentary
“Tupac caput! “
— How the news was broken to Biggie.
Palindromes were compiled from various sources throughout the universe; only Morrissey, Eminem, Aniston, Howard, Paris, Tupac were original Y.P.R. creations; further Google searches revealed that Eminem and Howard are already out there.