— Dear Y.P.R. —

Believe It or Not, He's Really an Attorney

subject: The spelling bee story sucks and fat naked guys in the gym

[Y.P.R. edits & commentary in red.]

Dear Yankee-Pot Roast Crew:

I visited your sight site again today in hopes of some sort of redemption. Just as like searching for breasts on Calysta Calista Flockhart, there was none to be found.

I have read some bad stories before, but did anyone at all review this crapola before it hit the front of the wWeb site? I considered calling the U.S. government to complain, but I’m not a minority, so who would listen?

I don’t think that imagining your parents dying in a wine vat is even remotely humorous. I suppose you laughed at the end of “Time Bandits” when the remaining chunk of evil killed that English kid’s parents. Sicko.

The fact that you selected this piece of snake poop for the front page only reinforces that your site space would better be used for porn (an always pleasurable experience) or a new mapping page.
[What’s a “mapping page”?]

While I have your attention, I’d ask you print this small request to the five readers who hit your site per day:

If you are a fat old man, please do not walk around naked at the gym. I am not what you would call a penis coniseur connoisseur. However, I know a fat, wrinkled death’s-door waste when I see one and, oh brother, cover yourself. To be honest, I’m not too keen on anyone walking around naked in my gym, but at least the middle-aged men don’t make me vomit on myself.

Further, just because I attend the same gym as you does not mean we should talk about our jobs. How gay is that?

Scenario: Naked old fatso in the men’s changing room, where I guarantee he has been for three hours doing nothing but being naked. Young man walks in and prepares to change so he can work out.

Old Man: Say, young fella, you new here?
Myself: In comparison to your age I would say everyone is rather new here, right?
Old Man: What I mean to say is, you new to the gym?
Myself: Hang on, are you naked? What the fuck are you doing? Whats wrong with you? SECURITY!
Old Man: Now hold on, young man, nothing wrong here.
Myself (between dry heaves): Is that what’s going to happen to me? Christ, my eyes.

Anyway, you see where this is going. Thanks for the helo. [What???]

Michael McNamara, esq.