& Recently . . .

Re: Spicy Latinas Want to Taste Your Big Burrito

by Brian Hughes

From: MrEnchilada741@yahoo.com To: tlvcuuhlbexhc@j4femail.com Subject: Re: Spicy Latinas Wanna Taste Your Big Burrito Dear Spicy Latinas, Thank you so much! Of course you can taste my Big Burrito! I am thrilled to learn of your interest in it. In fact,…

Our Disastrous Brunch

by Ken Krimstein

The inexplicable ruination of the BROILED PINEAPPLE RINGS had the precise fingerprints of the Illuminati all over them. Or was it the anti-Illuminati? At any rate, it was clear that the mystical alignment of the seven rings spelled out apocryphal…

Things I Say to Various Loved Ones, Coworkers, and Strangers When My Aunt Flo Visits

by Amy Stender

Can you just shut up? Just shut up. Get the hell out of my way. The fuck you care? The fuck you staring at? Fuck you. Go hungry for all I care. O.K.? I’m not hungry, ergo, I’m not fucking…

Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy SquarePants

by Jeremy Richards.

Captain: Ooooooooooh, who lives in the tissue of sick Holstein spines? Children: Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy SquarePants! Captain: Stripped by a machine in guarded confines! Children: Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy SquarePants! Captain: If neurological infection is something you wish— Children: Bovine…

Polish Fact

Alphabet
A Ą B C Ć D E Ę F G H I J K L Ł M N Ń O Ó P R S Ś T U W Y Z Ź Ż
a ą b c ć d e ę f g h i j k l ł m n ń o ó p r s ś t u w y z ź ż

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Mein Milchshake holt alle Jungen zum Yard.
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

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Wednesday, January 7, 2004   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Erin Gray!

January 7, 1950 | Erin Gray | hot astronaut

Dear Col. Wilma,

Happy 54th birthday! I’ve been watching “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” for a long time now. When I was in grade school, I had your Thermos. It was a great picture of you. You were all sexy with the blue jumpsuit with the red stripe, the helmet tucked under your arm, the killer rack. I even went so far as to insist that my parents call me “Wilma.” In high school, I was voted “Most Likely to Change His Name to Wilma and Join NASA.” And join NASA, I did! Of course, all of that science was way too much for me. I’m not too good with numbers. I mostly just clean the space shuttles.

Like I said, I’ve been watching the show for years. I have all the episodes on tape. I, of course, like other die-hard fans have loads of questions for you. Big questions like, How did the life-support systems freeze and still maintain you? I also have small questions like, Have you had that mole on your neck checked out by a physician? You can’t be too careful with moles. I just had one removed. Luckily, it was benign. Really, though, I only have one question I need answered about the show: Gil Gerard. He’s gay, right?

Happy 54th!

Semper Fi!
Geoff “Wilma” Wolinetz