& Recently . . .

Dear Jen

Dear Jen, I’m sorry. I know you’re still in a state of shock, but the truth is, we were doomed from the start. For one thing, I’m a winter, you’re a fall. Plus, I never told you this, but several…

Chimps

by Bobby Rufferto

Loraine? “Yes, Burt?” Are you sleeping? “No.” *Sigh.* “Is something wrong, honey?” No. Yes… Loraine, how come you don’t pick nits off my back anymore? “Burt—” Are you having an affair? “…” You are. I knew it. You…

No More Fun

by Nick Jezarian

Citizens, gather round. Come one, come all. Yes, even you, my little bespectacled devil—Oh, aren’t you a cutie? I bet you’re a lot like Claire Forlani; remove those specs and reveal a sweet nymph. The reason I have called this…

Postmodern Irony Final Exam

by Josh Abraham

PMI-110A: Introduction to Postmodern Irony/Ironic Postmodernism Final Exam Section IV: Essay Please select one (1) topic from the first three questions, one (1) from the middle three questions, and one (1) from the last three questions. Answer each in the…

Polish Fact

Military Manpower:
10,354,978 (2003 est.)
[Army, Navy(!), & Air Force]

Learn a Foreign Tongue!

Learn Portuguese!
Christ Doce! Esse prostitute é realmente um homem!
Sweet Christ, that prostitute is really a man!

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Sunday, September 21, 2003   |    Birthday Cards to Celebrities

Happy Birthday, Jerry Bruckheimer!

September 21, 1945 | Jerry Bruckheimer | producer

Dear Jerry,

Happy 58th Birthday!

Bam! Kapow! Blammo! Rock’em Sock’em! Zing! Zowie! Asteroids! Plane crashes! Car chases! Bombs! Explosions! Train wrecks! Missiles! Jet fighters! Talking kangaroos! All that, and yet still your movies are rotten. Kaplooey!!

Jackass.

Happy Birthday,
Josh Abraham