¿What Are We Doing with Our Empty Corona Bottles?

Lining ’em up, putting a glove on top, à la “Laverne & Shirley.”

Braining people who ask for Dos Equis.

Melting down whatever crazy crap is at hand and Presto! Instant Cinco de Mayo Memory Glass!

Rinsing them thoroughly, letting them dry in the sun, then filling them with urine and leaving them on the curb for Chester, the bum who lives in my Dumpster.

Playing “Guess What I’m Shoving up Your Arse.”

Smashing them and wielding the jagged remains by the bottleneck, challenging fellow revelers to an impromptu bar brawl.

Sending messages to Gilligan.

Tossing them off the overpass and watching the cars on the highway below skid, swerve, and blow tires, thereby venting the pent-up rage that’s been boiling within me ever since they yanked “Felicity” off the air.

Tossing them off the overpass and watching the cars on the highway below skid and swerve and blow tires, thereby selling more of my quality discount tires. Remember: Pepito’s Tires never tire! Mention this ad, get 25% off snow tires!