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Wednesday, April 9, 2003   |    Fiction

Generic 60s Beach Sitcom

by Geoff Wolinetz

FADE IN:

EXT. THE BEACH - DAY

It’s 1965. The beach is littered with surfboards. The girls wear bikinis that do not expose their navels. The boys wear long surfing shorts.

LIZZIE (16, cute, little high-school student) sits on the beach wearing Audrey Hepburn sunglasses.

MIDGE (16, her best friend) approaches and sits down.

MIDGE
Hey, Lizzie. Your glasses are far out!

LIZZIE
Thanks, Midge. Your swimsuit is way happening.

CUT TO:

OPENING CREDITS THEME SONG
plays over some psychedelic flower patterns.

Lizzie
She’s everyone’s favorite pal
Lizzie
She’s my best friend’s gal

I’ve got a secret or two
Gonna tell him to find someone new
I’ll get on my surfboard and hang ten
She’ll know I’m the one for her when

Lizzie
Sees my far out style
Lizzie
Stay with me for a while

I want her to be my steady girl
C’mon now Lizzie, give me a whirl
I’ll get you a soda after school
Lizzie, over you I’m a fool.

LIZZIE!

END THEME SONG. BACK TO THE BEACH.

CHIP (18, surfer guy) comes over carrying a surfboard.

CHIP
Hey, Lizzie. Hey, Midge. Lizzie, are you going to the dance with me?

LIZZIE
Wait just a dingy minute!

CHIP
Why are you being such a wiggy bird?

CHIP leaves.

MIDGE
Chip is dreamy, Liz. Why’d you give him the cold shoulder?

LIZZIE
Don’t you know anything, Midge? Boys like mystery.

MIDGE
Far out. Let’s cue the music and inexplicably dance here on the beach.

LIZZIE
Groovy!

CUE MUSIC. They dance and are joined by several other teenagers who have appeared.

FADE OUT.

THE END.
Geoff Wolinetz cannot be found on IMDb because the Hollywood community refuses to acknowledge the production of his seminal masterpiece Come What May, a gritty psychothriller starring a guy who kind of looks like Billy Baldwin and Erin Gray (formerly of "Silver Spoons"). If he were to be found on IMDb, his name would fall between "Geoff Witcher" and "Geoff Wood." In addition to his imaginary film career, Geoff also maintains an imaginary career as a baron of industry, is lead singer of the imaginary band Kick Ass, Falco, holds an imaginary Olympic gold medal and is an imaginary Pulitzer laureate in the field of journalism for his investigative piece on the albinos of Alaska.