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From the Y.P.aRchives Fun, Fickle Fiction (for Free!) Fact, Opinion, Essay, & Review Spectacular Features, Calendrical Happenings, Media Gadflies Poetry & Lyric Advice, How To, & Self-Help Listicles Semi-Frequent Columns Letter from the Editors Disquieting Modern Trends Interviews Interviews with Interviewers One-Question Interviews The Book Club Media Gadflies Calendrical Happenings Roasts Correspondence (Letters To and Letters From) Letters from Y.P.R. Letters to Y.P.R. Birthday Cards to Celebrities Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms Shreek of the Week of the Day Polish Facts: An Antidote to the Polish Joke The Y.P.aRt Gallery Illustrious Illustration Photography Photomontage Graphic Design Logo Gallery What's Up with That? Fuit Salad Nick's Guff Vermont Girl The M_methicist Daily Garfield Digest New & Noteworthy Contributors' Notes Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera The Y.P.aRchives
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Thursday, March 6, 2003

— Letters (from) —
Dear Maxell

Dear Maxell MF 2HD High Density 3.5” Floppy Disks,

Your disks are so awesome! I love them more than hot dogs. When I’ve got one of your fine, fine High Density 3.5” Floppy Disks in my hand, I know I’ve got 1.44 Megabytes of fun. You betcha!

And talk about great features! Your Anti-Mold Media is magnificent. Back off, foul mold! You ain’t messing with Maxell MF 2HD, buddy! Ha, ha. Hey now!

Also, your Dual Interlocking Flex Shutter interlocks like nothing else in this world. Your Self-Cleaning Liner? I say nothing could be finer than your Self-Cleaning Liner! Don’t get me started!

And not only are you PC Formatted, you’re also Pre-Formatted to Save Time. That’s more thoughtful and considerate than I could ever hope to ask from a High Density 3.5” Floppy Disk.

As if you weren’t blowing my mind already, you’re also 100% Certified & Tested. Oh, how I envy those lucky certifiers and testers!

And, if I may say so, your specifications are sublime. You are Double Sided, High Density beyond my wildest imagination. And where you put those 135 Tracks per Inch, I’ll never know.

And finally, as if all that wasn’t enough, you spoil me with a Limited Lifetime Warranty, on top of assuring my Satisfaction Guaranteed. Lifetime? Lifetime, Maxell MF 2HD? Wow. This is truly a big step for both of us.

I don’t deserve you, Maxell MF 2HD High Density 3.5” Floppy Disks. You’re too good for me.

Forever yours,
Josh Abraham

Josh Abraham was born in Algeria in 1913. He spent his early years in North Africa, working various jobs--in the weather bureau, in an automobile-accessory firm, in a shipping company--to help pay for his courses at the University of Algiers. As a young journalist, his report on the unhappy state of Muslims in the Kabylie region aroused the Algerian government to action and brought him public notice. From 1935 to 1938 he ran the Théâtre de l'Equipe, a theatrical company that produced plays by Malraux, Gide, Synge, and Dostoevsky. During World War II he was one of the leading writers of the French Resistance and editor of Combat, then an important underground newspaper. Abraham's fiction, his philosophical essays, and his plays have assured his preëminent position in modern French letters. In 1957 Abraham was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. His sudden death on January 4, 1960, cut short the career of one of the most important literary figures of the Western world when he was at the very summit of his powers. No, wait. That was Albert Camus.