Stuff that Sounds like Porn
Sports Personalities with Good Porn-Star Names
Dick Trickle
Ron Darling
Kirby Puckett
Magic Johnson
Tiger Woods
Rollie Fingers
Randy Johnson
Three Finger Brown
Dick Butkus
Babe Ruth
Mookie Wilson
Honus Wagner
Ray Knight
Johnny Bench
Mitch Gaylord
Larry Bird
Sparky Lyle
Rusty Kuntz
Goose Gossage
Mugsy Bogues
Buster Douglas
Whitey Ford
Man O’ War
Names of Kids’ Breakfast Cereals that Sound Vaguely like Pornos
Honey Smacks
Cheerios
Nut’n’Honey
Froot Loops
Golden Crisp
Cocoa Puffs
Trix
2002 Movies that Are Not Pornos, but Sure Well Could Be, if You Use Your Imagination a Little Bit
The Ring
xXx
The Pianist
The Banger Sisters
Full Frontal
The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys
Crossroads
The Good Girl
About a Boy
Igby Goes Down
I Spy
Showtime
Roger Dodger
The Sweetest Thing
K-19: The Widowmaker
Enough
Kung Pao: Enter the Fist
Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
8 Mile
Titles of Pornographic Magazines that Are Also, Coincidentally, College Nicknames of Eventual Presidents
Teddy the Hustler Roosevelt
“Penthouse Willie” Clinton
Playboy Jack Kennedy
Richie “Barely Legal” Nixon*
Will “Juggs” Taft
Millard Swank Fillmore
“Perfect 10 Ben” Harrison
Harry S Truman (The S stood for “Screw”)
* When voicing “Richie ‘Barely Legal’ Nixon” aloud, it is appropriate to “finger-quote” the “Barely Legal” nickname, as R.M.N. himself would have done. When voicing this footnote aloud, it is not neccessary to “finger-quote” the words “finger-quote” within these sentences. While we’re at it, “Finger-quote” does sound like pornography, but isn’t.
Or is it?