LITERARY MUGGINS

Y.P.R. 1. How come us Jewish folks are so hairy? I look like Robin Williams and the Wolfman had a kid.

Neal Pollack Body hair, as you know, contains your unique “chemical signature,” designed by nature to sexually attract other mammals. From personal experience, I know that Jews get laid all the time, so we must smell good. Therefore, we’re so hairy because God wanted us to be that way. Note to Jews: Do NOT get rid of your body hair, because that will lead to the extermination of your people, unless you've already reproduced with a non-Jew, in which case you’ve already screwed up everything.

Mr. Pollack is the author of Never Mind the Pollacks, Beneath the Axis of Evil, and The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature. www.nealpollack.com.