LITERARY DONNICKER
Next Time on “The Surreal Life”…
by
Matthew Tobey
Next time on “The Surreal Life”…
Mary Lou Retton becomes incensed when the Indian from the Village People leaves the toilet seat up again, but things are in a decidedly sunnier mood on the other end of the house where Dustin “Screech” Diamond has fallen head over heels for a giant moth pupa. Will his feelings stay the same when she emerges from her cocoon and reveals herself to be a manifestation of his mother?
The whole gang is in danger of being fired from their jobs at the nightclub when they are late again, but Eddie Money has a zany idea that just might stop all of the clocks in the house from constantly melting. Meanwhile, filmmaker Matthew Barney stops by and offers one lucky housemate the chance for an extravagant day away from the house at a swanky spa. With 90 seconds on the clock, who can find the most phalluses hidden in the pool filled with blood and faceless babies?
Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Vagina Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Spatula Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Filth Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Christ Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Birth Death Semen. Meanwhile, Ickey Woods and Melissa Rivers plan a special surprise for Jessica Hahn’s birthday.
When the tension over the toilet-seat situation finally comes to a head, things take a turn for the sexy as Mary Lou Retton and the Indian from the Village People finally confess their true feelings for each other and end up in a lengthy make-out session. Later in the day, at the urging of a melancholy German-speaking Boston terrier, Connie Sellecca eats a live dove and instantly gives birth to her father in the form of Arsenio Hall.
By day, Matthew Tobey is an editor for All Movie Guide. By night, he operates the weblog The City of Floating Blogs. By afternoon, he will have thought of at least three things that would have made this bio funnier. He is happily married, used to edit Haypenny and enjoys writing about himself in the third person.